Tonight, I'm Setting You Free
by DiscoBallOnMoon
Summary: It wasn't a story filled with cotton candy and syrup. It's bitter and harsh. Blaine Anderson, 30 years old, as a successful doctor working in New York he hadn't forgotten the man who he loved, Kurt. As he went back to Lima, he revisited his memories about Kurt. He re-learnt about Lima, about his past, and re-learnt from the pain he still got. Give it a shot, it may surprise you.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

At age twenty seven, Blaine Anderson had graduated from a medical school in New York. He had moved to New York for almost nine years now, he had an apartment there, with dreams that he had achieve there. One year after, He managed to make it to the newspaper due to his amazing music work toward to all the cancer patients as he was also working as an intern at a hospital. It was after his thirty birthday, he got a call from his brother, Cooper Anderson, who was going to get married, finally. After five years of long-run relationship, they recognized each other as soul mate, believed they would be perfect for each other. So one day Cooper Anderson proposed, his girlfriend replied with the most delightful "Yes!" that Cooper had ever heard in his life.

Surprisingly, Cooper's fiancé let him decided where the wedding would be held. So he decided the wedding would be held at his hometown Westerville, Ohio, which gave a perfect excuse for Blaine to take a rest from his work and go back to his home, his home sweet home.

How many years exactly he hadn't been back to Westerville? Blaine had lost count. With his job, as a doctor, he enjoyed every single moment. Sometimes when he found he was tired watching his patient's live fading away, he would remember the reason why he became who he was today. It worked, as always. Like a strong shot of coffee, only it lasted much longer than caffeine in the coffee cup.

Blaine checked his calendar after he received his call from his bother, the wedding would be held on the 17th of August. August was normally the month he would never get any break from. It seemed like with school holiday the hospital was a lot busier than usual.

The next day he informed the chief and his request quickly got approved. Everyone who knew Blaine greeted him with a surprise after they heard the guy who never rest was taking a month off. In fact, Blaine had thought one week should be alright, but he looked at the day in August where he would circle it with a red watermark pen every year on his calendar. It was 24th of August, the very special day of Blaine's life. He realized a week off would not allow him to have enough time to do what he wanted to do in a long time, so he asked for a month off instead of a week. Blaine's chief admired the passion that Blaine put in his work, besides, he agreed that it was time for Blaine Anderson to take a good rest, and then come back and continue to save lives. For Blaine, this break was more than just about his brother's wedding. He decided at some point after the wedding, he would spend some time in Lima, Ohio, visit all his loving ones and missing ones that he had left behind many years ago.

After two hours flight he arrived at Westerville. It was a week before his brother's wedding. Even though the night before he had a long shift and his body was exhausted, but he could feel the youth once again. This is the town where he was born, grew up and made him became a man.

His brother gave him a tight hug when he walked out from arrival area. Blaine gave his brother's fiancé a quick cheek touch, since she was half European. Later he learnt his brother fiancé, Pricilla, was half French, she could speak beautiful fluent French that Blaine always killed for. Her accent reminded him of someone, though, but he thought to himself, it's not the time to think about it yet.

The wedding went brilliantly. The weather was way much better when the day Blaine arrived at Westerville. It was comfortable enough to wear a suit, or simply anything beautiful. During the wedding, he gazed at his parents a lot. He didn't realize how old they were already. They always talked on the phone whenever Blaine was possible, so he didn't miss out any important piece of his family daily life. But to physically witness the rudeness time aged his parents; he had somehow regretted the little time he spent on his family. His father looked back to Blaine, in a way that Blaine had never thought he would see.

His father was proud of his son.

The day since Blaine came out his father was ashamed of him, Blaine hated him and they thought the family was over. However, after Blaine's bullies at his old school, his parents transferred him to Dalton Academy, a boarding boy school surprisingly. After since then Blaine only met his family during weekends and holidays, and during those times Blaine and his family would try not walk into the gay zone issue. It worked somehow.

Blaine couldn't wait to visit Dalton Academy, the school that gave him so many opportunities to live the life. His head kept playing the memories of Dalton until he fell asleep.

The next day Blaine went to visit Dalton. He walked into the choir room, the Warbles room. He, Blaine Warbles Anderson, had a lot of memories there. He was glad that nothing in this room seemed to change at all, all the furniture was still in their old positions like fourteen years ago. He closed his eyes, hands touching the furniture, he let the memories flowed out. Now he turned to the other side of the room, opened his eyes, found himself facing the door where he came in. He closed his eyes again and let his memories found him.

_It was a long time ago._

_He still remembered he was rushing down the stairs because he was late for the Warblers performance, and then he heard a high pitched voice that stopped him. He still remembered that kid, who claimed he was new to Dalton, was wearing something he was so sure it wasn't Dalton's uniform, but he still took him to the performance because he liked the big blue eyes that were locked on him._

_Blaine Anderson put on a smile._

"_Now if you would excuse me." Blaine put down his bag and stepped closer to the Warbles._

_Before you met me, I was alright  
But things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life  
Now every February you'll be my Valentine, Valentine_

_He knew the new kid was looking at him the whole time. Of course, what was he thinking; he was the lead singer, of course people stared at who sang the solo. But god, he tried not to keep looking back at that kid but he couldn't help. His eyes always went back for the new kid and at the end, Blaine was tired of battling himself, he let his eyes settled down on the new kid._

_Those ocean deep blue eyes._

_I'ma get your heart racing in my skin-tight jeans  
Be your teenage dream tonight  
Let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans  
Be your teenage dream tonight_

_It was something Blaine that would never happen. It was like magic, chemical reactions, it just happened, that click in his heart, it just happened like that. And all of the sudden, someone stole his heart away._

"I hope I didn't interpret your moment."

Blaine opened his eyes and saw his old friend, Wes, standing in front of him.

"No, no, not at all. Oh gosh! I felt like I haven't seen you like forever! How are you doing lately?" He walked up to Wes and gave him a friendly hug.

Wes didn't change much, except the pair of glasses gave him a mature and serious look. He laughed. He really didn't know what he was thinking. It seemed that visiting Dalton made him went back to seventeen again. He almost forgot Wes was one year older than him, and sure, so this year Wes would be thirty one. How could Blaine forget? They weren't teenagers anymore.

"Teaching sometimes can be fun, you know? But most of the ti- what? Why are you laughing?" Wes was explaining to Blaine when he was interpreted by Blaine's laugh.

"No, I just… well I really haven't seen all my old friends in years, and in my memory you looked much younger." Blaine shook his head and said.

Wes shrugged, "Well I'm thirty one already." He looked to the way where Blaine was looking at, "So, thinking about the old times?"

"Yep, all the Warblers performances."

"Which one in particular?" Wes continued to ask.

"Teenage Dream by Katy Perry." After Blaine had said it, Wes almost spilt a name, but he stopped. It was such a long time ago; still, he wasn't sure if that was okay for Blaine. Before Wes closed his mouth, Blaine saw the shape of his lips and instantly knew who he wanted to say.

"It's okay, Wes. You are right, I was thinking about Kurt."

Wes didn't answer back, Blaine sighed, and then the silence went on. This time he didn't close his eyes, but he let the memories came back to him.

* * *

After more than a week Blaine had arrived at Westerville, he believed it was time to spend his time at Lima. A two hour drive gave him a lot of time to think, to be excited. Going back to Lima made him feel young again.

He went to visit Burt first. When he showed up, Burt was surprised by the unexpected guest. They stood by the door side for a while before Burt had realized it was Blaine. Burt greeted him and laughed, "Hey son," he asked him to stay until he had to head back to New York. Blaine kindly rejected but agreed to stay there for a night. The next few days Blaine had a big reunion with all his friends at Lima. He visited his second school, McKinley High, the school that changed him a lot.

McKinley High changed a lot, too. They had new buildings, new auditorium and new everything. The glee choir room was no longer the choir room anymore. It got changed into a Spanish classroom. After the New Direction had won their nationals thirteen years ago, the school invested a lot of money on them and they had a very big choir room a few years after. Many things at Westerville stayed the same, but Blaine guessed many things in Lima changed a lot.

His time in Lima was busy, filled with old friends, exchanging stories of their lives.

On the day 24th August, Blaine decided to be alone. He woke up at five in the morning without his phone alarm even went on. An hour later, he arrived at the cemetery.

The sun hadn't risen yet, the morning cold wind had calm Blaine's heart down a little bit.

He walked down the path, found himself standing in front of Elizabeth Taylor-Hummel's, Kurt's mother, grave. Blaine bent down to put his flowers on her grave, and then he moved on to the one next to it.

Blaine stared at the grave for a very long time until he decided to sit down and speak.

He was early. He wanted to embrace this moment alone, with Kurt, who he hadn't talked to in a long time ago. Now there he was, revisiting all those years of memories with his lover in Lima. A very special lover of his.

"Lima has changed a lot, I think everyone has changed a lot but somehow stayed the same as well, Kurt." When Blaine said out the name, a teardrop trailed down his face. He still missed Kurt a lot these days, but it didn't hurt as much as the day back in twelve years ago, "I can't believe it has been fourteen years already. I have just turned thirty," he chuckled , "can you believe it? Everything seemed to me just like a day ago, Time has gone _so_ _fast_." He swallowed hard before he said anything again. He wondered how it would make him feel if he just spilt the eight letters out. After a blink, everything was changed, faded, gone. Sometimes it was sorrowful to look back to the past, when Blaine almost forgot how Kurt's smile looked like. There were memories that were so vivid to him, but he knew they were fading away from him day by day. He would be so frightened when the day of him not remembering Kurt's face finally came.

He took a photo of Kurt out of his wallet. His fingers gently brushed on the old photo that the colour had turned into yellow brown and he kissed on it. Blaine let his eyes closed and his mind driven away to somewhere long ago.

"_I love you." They were sitting in a coffee shop sipping their coffees, but Blaine couldn't wait to see Kurt, he couldn't wait to tell Kurt that he was in love with him madly._

_It was a day after Kurt had transferred back to McKinley High._

_Kurt froze, even though he had heard Blaine told him that he loved him many times already. It always made his heartbeat went faster._

"_I love you, too." Kurt replied seconds after. _

_Blaine liked the smile from Kurt. He couldn't help but to hold Kurt's hand and press a light kiss on his soft skin, "Kurt Hummel, I love you so, so much."_

Blaine forgot how long he spoke for after those memories appeared on his mind, but the sky was all blue now. _I must be here for hours_. He touched the grave, tracked every letter that was craved on the gravestone.

_Kurt Hummel_

_1994 – 2013_

_A wonderful son and lover who will stay forever in our hearts._

"I'll see you later today, Kurt, with everybody." Blaine smiled. He walked back to his car, waited for all those memories that appeared to him to settle down.

_It really was a long time ago._


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

It was the first day to school after the Christmas holiday. Kurt woke up earlier than usual, leaving him more than enough time to prepare for his first day of school.

Kurt didn't know what to expect though. When he was in McKinley High he got bullied a lot mentally and physically due to his sexuality. Some days Kurt counted them as lucky since only his clothes were ruined or he only got slushied, but there were bad days that would leave Kurt bruises. His father, Burt, noticed the dark purple marks on his son's body. Although he knew they were bruises and he was able to imagine the whole story, he wanted hear it from Kurt's mouth.

Kurt never told his dad.

So it was surprising to find out Burt and Carole gathered the money they had and transferred Kurt to Dalton Academy. At first Kurt wasn't so sure about the idea. What would happen if the new school was just the same as McKinley? Yet, Kurt was still looking forward to something new. He was very happy and excited when he found out later that Dalton Academy had zero-tolerance policy about bullying. McKinley left him a broken body and broken heart, kids in New Direction were kind, but that didn't mean it would make Kurt's life easier. Kurt would miss them horribly though.

The funny thing was, Kurt thought he knew Lima like the back of his hands. When he heard the name Dalton Academy it sounded very unfamiliar, his dad told him later then the school was in Westerville, a suburb in Columbus that was two hours driving away from Lima. Kurt was shocked. Burt would never let Kurt to be far away from him after the year when Kurt got really sick. For the first time, he was going to leave Lima and his family to have a new start there. Kurt didn't know how to react, but Burt asked him not to worry too much.

"It's a boarding school, so you'll have to stay at their campus." Burt explained.

"Dad, are you sure? I mean, of course I appreciate what you've done for me, but… dad, Westerville is two hours away, and I know how much you like to worry," Kurt couldn't believe this. He didn't know how much his dad was giving away and sacrificing for him to make him happy.

"I just want to see your smiley face again, kiddo, even though it means you will not be here by my side." Burt put his arm on Kurt's shoulder and pulled him closer as he said so.

Kurt opened his mouth but no words came out, instead, his tears came out without his command. Burt gave him a firm hug, he could hear Kurt said thank you in a whisper.

"But," Burt didn't want to see Kurt got torn, but he didn't want to lose Kurt neither, "it will only happen under one condition."

"What condition?" Kurt looked up to his dad.

"I told the school about your health issue, so I suggested the school that they will make sure you report to the nurse everyday and let them do some simple checks."

"Everyday dad, really?" Kurt frown his eyebrows. That would make a big effort just to show up to the nurse.

"Yes, everyday, you have to report back to me, too. Listen, I don't need you to call me every night, but you need to text me so I can know you're okay." Burt was strict on this, he didn't want to risk, but this is the only option for him. If he could, he would follow Kurt everywhere, but that was not happening.

"Fine. I understand that." Kurt replied.

But every day? Kurt was wondering how he could avoid all the attentions he would get if everyone in Dalton found out here was the mysterious new kid who disappeared right after the classes finished and showed up during the evening. With his head still spun by the news, Christmas holiday was already over and now he had to get himself ready for his first day at Dalton.

Burt drove Kurt to Westerville and they arrived at three. On their way to Dalton there weren't many meaningful conversations happening. Kurt was nervous, so as Burt. After two hours of driving, Burt had to head back to Lima to work. Kurt told him not to worry as he promised he would send a message right after everything was settled in. Burt and Kurt both held their tears back when they said goodbye. But very quickly, Kurt's mood was changed as he was curious about this school and wanted to explore the school. The adventure mood made him to put his sadness behind for a while.

_Oh god._ The school was so big that literally made Kurt believed he was dreaming. He could even smell the air was different from here compared to the air in McKinley. The air here was fresh and friendly, unlike the one in McKinley that always left him horrified. The other things that Kurt noticed was he stood out like a sore thumb right now. He didn't have to go to class today since his first day would only be explaining his condition to the school, so uniform didn't come across his mind, but here, with everyone wore the same outfit, Kurt felt very self-conscious in his casual clothes.

When Kurt was trying to find out the location of the admission office, the bell rang, indicating the no more classes for today. He could see students rushing out of the classrooms and heading to the same direction. Kurt was confused, he thought to himself that, _well, this part of Dalton very much like McKinley_, students rushing out from the classrooms. But he was wrong. He overheard a conversation of two boys who were running mentioned "the warbles", but that was all Kurt could hear before the boys' voice were faded away from him since they were walking fast.

Something special must be happening, but did they say the warbles? Did they mean the birds? Were they hurrying just because of the birds? Kurt found it even more confusing if the students were really rushing to somewhere for the birds.

"Oh, ex- excuse me?" said Kurt, loudly. He felt kind of guilty when he stopped a boy who was rushing faster than everybody else, but his curiosity could sometimes kill him if he never found out the truth.

"Um, hi. Can I ask you a question? I'm new here." Kurt explained. The boy offered Kurt a handshake, "My name's Blaine, Blaine Anderson."

"Kurt Hummel." Kurt answered and they shook hand, "so what exactly is going on here?"

"_The Warbles!" _Blaine explained to Kurt excitingly, he would love to tell the boy who was new and who had just stopped him all the things about the Warbles, but right now he was running late. Without thinking he held the new boy's hand and ran, "Come on, I know the shortcut."

* * *

Kurt could still feel the warmth in his hand. He had never touched a boy's hand before, never. In the past there were a few boys that Kurt had a crush on, but he didn't show it. It wasn't because he was too afraid to show, but it would definitely draw attentions to him if he showed it. He didn't want any trouble anymore. After years and years of bullies, the very last thing on earth he would want was the faces of disgust and all the sniggers behind his back.

But Blaine held his hand real tight.

The feeling of holding hands with another stranger was a new sensation to Kurt. It was a heartburn touch like they had connected with each other, with chemicals running down giving him a little electric shock.

_Why would he hold my hand?_ _Why would somebody want to hold my hand anyway? Didn't he worry about being teased?_ All those thoughts came up to Kurt's mind that made him wanted to escape. He didn't want to be anyone's burden, not on the first day and not to this boy who had beautiful hazel eyes and smile. He didn't want Dalton to be another McKinley, not the slushies and not the bruises. He just wanted to be everybody else.

But this boy held his hand.

This boy called Blaine held his hand without hesitation, without regretting it.

This boy called Blaine held his hand tighter every time when Kurt tried to let go.

This boy called Blaine was someone special.

Kurt giggled at him while he watched Blaine was singing Teenage Dream cover with the Warbles, he didn't know he was giggling; he didn't quite understand why he was giggling, too. Katy Perry wasn't really Kurt's style to listen or sing. He liked Katy Perry, she was a good singer, but the original song never made him feel the youth had kicked in. Maybe it was because the school life in McKinley was overwhelming him, but hearing Teenage Dream from Blaine was something different for sure, it was almost like…

"So… did I make you feel like a _teenage dream_?" Blaine asked when he was sneaking behind Kurt's back.

Kurt turned, looked startled, "Well you certainly gave me a heart attack… "He stopped, "It was brilliant, Blaine. The song was written for you voice." He smiled almost shyly, didn't know what to say. Blaine quietly observed at this new boy in front of him. Kurt was taller and probably a bit bigger than him, but his skin was paler and apparently smoother. His fringe was slightly gelled back with some vanilla highlights blended with the dark golden brown hair. Blaine grazed these delicate features and there was a moment where he wanted to tell the boy he was flawless and push him back against the wall, stole the breath of his without any warnings. For a moment his heartbeat raised so fast like a new born baby. He couldn't get his eyes off the boy. It was like someone had glued his eyes fixed, he couldn't see anything else but this gorgeous new kid.

_Say something! Don't just look at him. He must think I'm some kind of creeper now!_

Blaine took a deep breath without making any sound, "Um… hey, what about we get some coffee and I can show you around the school. I mean, since you're new and probably don't know your way," he paused and looked at Kurt before he spoke again, "but if you don't want to I-I can… um… you know… just… um… I'll let you take your time then… I guess." _Holy shit Blaine! _As soon as he finished off his sentence he knew he sounded like an idiot. _What the fuck are you talking about? Do you know how cracky you sounded like? Damn! He's gonna put me into the weirdo zone._ Blaine tried to hide his nerve away and cleaned his mind while he was waiting the boy to reply. His nervous look disappeared when he heard the boy's laugh.

Blaine looked at the floor and scratched his hair. Kurt watched the boy tried to pretend like he wasn't panicking at all, even though he wasn't sure about what made Blaine panicked. _He was cute_. Kurt just couldn't help but laughed out loud at the awkwardness in the boy who had just pulled off an amazing performance but now he was nervous like a newbie.

"Actually," Kurt started off, "I was supposed to be in admission office twenty minutes ago before I got dragged to watch you sing, but then I guess I could try the Dalton coffee after I get all the things done?" Kurt grinned. He didn't remember the last time he laughed but undoubtedly it was long time ago.

"Well good then. Jump onto the train, Mr. Hummel. I'll be your captain today. Our first destination: admin office!" reassured, Blaine made a train whistle and led Kurt the way.

Kurt slightly shook his head and chuckled. The second before this boy's face was blushed because he was embarrassed by what he said, and now he was so confident, confident enough to turn himself into Thomas the Tank Engine.

"Thomas and Friends?" asked Kurt.

"Not quite, I was kind of hoping you say the Hogwarts Express instead." They turned right at the corner and stopped.

"Huh, so you're a Harry Potter fan."

"Oh, I'm not just a fan! I was Harry _freaking_ Potter!" Blaine gave Kurt a wink indicating the arrival at their first stop, "Well here you go, Mr. Hummel, and welcome to Hogwarts." He joked.

Blaine watched Kurt walked into the admission office. While he was waiting outside, he wondered what the boy thought about him. Kurt was very easy to talk with and topics seemed to come naturally between them. There was no need to worry in the first place.

_Kurt and I definitely can be friends._ Blaine thought. _Maybe even something more than friends… in the future._


	3. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

Kurt put his alarm clock on the nightstand, it was the last item from his luggage. He zipped up the luggage and put it under his bed. He sat on his unfamiliar bed and looked around the room. _Well, this is a new start for sure. _ He thought.

The opposite side of his room was another bed with the same nightstand and the same study desk, the bed sheet looked very disordered and there was a pile of books left untidily on the desk. Kurt's roommate, Nick, was very much like his step-brother Finn, not only just in this way, but in many ways as well. He was a football player and a member of the Warblers. They had little chat when Blaine took Kurt to his room as their last destination. Nick seemed to be a nice person. He quickly introduced himself to Kurt before he went to the Warblers rehearsal with Blaine. Now the room was empty, he was alone with himself again.

He thought about McKinley. He wondered how would the day be like for his friends there, he wondered how was the rehearsal going for New Directions. _Were they busy at putting the numbers for regional? Were they having fun at putting all the singings and dancing together? _Oh, he missed McKinley a lot already. Those peaceful parts of McKinley were the places where Kurt really belonged to, but the Neanderthal came into his life and made it liked a living hell. All his peacefulness was vanished in the fist of the Neanderthal's. All those slushies and bruises weren't the big deal, but it was his fear of the darkness would make his knees stuck on the ground eventually.

His darkness was Dave Karofsky.

If he could he wouldn't run away from him, he would fight until death. Kurt couldn't, and that was the problem. He had to run away from this guy who bullied him and kissed him, who threatened to kill him but told him that he loved Kurt at the same time. In Kurt's eyes, David Karofsky was a jerk. Every time when he thought about Karofsky, he breathed harder each time.

But today he wasn't going to go there. No, he promised himself this was a new start and he would use his power to make his life back to normal, so he jumped off the bed. He checked everything in the room and made sure he had everything done.

Everything was done.

He sat back on the bed and he looked at his phone that was put on the desk. _Should I give dad a call now? _He hesitated; maybe it was still early to call.

Kurt was bored, the room was so quiet and he didn't know what else to do. Now that he was a student in Dalton, he couldn't plan for his outfit for the day, not the next day, or the day after next day. Everyone here seemed to wear their uniform even after class. It would make Kurt felt weird if he was the only one who wore casual clothes after class each day.

He closed his eyes and let himself fell on the bed. Everyone in Dalton seemed to be very friendly, especially Blaine.

Kurt only knew Blaine for no more than an hour, but he had already occupied Kurt's mind. His feeling toward Blaine was somehow different from the feelings toward the crush on Finn before. Blaine made his heartbeat raised so fast that he could hear the beat inside. He wanted Blaine to be his boyfriend. To be frankly, the desire in him had left him to be lonely, and the loneliness in him had left him to be thirsty. But Kurt wasn't sure he was ready for a relationship yet, _or should I ever be in a relationship?_ He put on hand on his chest felt the heartbeat. It was strong… and it was non-rhythmic. _Right._ There was a quick click in Kurt's mind. He almost forgot he made a promise to his dad that he would go to the nurse every day. Kurt quickly grabbed his jacket and left the room.

* * *

Blaine couldn't concentrate during the rehearsal. His mind was focused on the new kid, Kurt.

"Blaine!" shouted David.

Everyone in Warblers could feel something was different in Blaine today. Normally Blaine was so into his singing passion and he would make every rehearsal like the best performance they had never done before. However, Blaine was quietly sat still on the chair. His eyes were staring at something but the Warblers weren't sure if he was just looking or he was daydreaming.

"Is Blaine okay?" another Warbler asked.

Dave and Thad both shrugged, only Wes was smiling, "Looks like someone has stolen our lead singer's heart today."

The room was suddenly filled with noises of people talking, talking about the comment that Wes had just made. Wes laughed when Blaine finally seemed to show a little notice about the noise. Wes, Thad and Dave, as the head of the Warblers council, had decided the rehearsal was finished, since they couldn't do much with Blaine's mind at somewhere else.

"Blaine?" People were leaving the room and David continued to ask.

Blaine looked up to David and saw Wes and Thad next to him as well. He was surrounded by three of his friends. David and Thad looked confused but Wes was wearing his evil smirk. He looked around the choir room and found it was empty, now he was confused too.

"Why is everybody's gone?" Blaine asked.

"It's already ten to six, Blaine!" replied Wes.

"Oh…." Blaine raised his eyebrows. This was the second time where Blaine felt embarrassed today. How many times had Blaine really felt embarrassed in the past two years? He swore he could count them with one hand only.

"So who was it?" The question that Thad threw to Blaine made Blaine blushed, "What are you talking about?" He pretended he didn't understand the question.

"Thad meant, who was the guy that you were dreaming about?" Wes helped Thad to complete the sentence.

"Wait… what? I didn't dream about any guy!" Blaine claimed loudly with his voice raised.

"Sure Blaine." Wes mocked. The three exchanged their eye contact, now they were sure. Who could make Blaine blush possibly? They knew Blaine for two years and had never seen him blushed before. Now that there was a new kid today and they had seen the Blaine blushed for the first time. Who could that be?

Blaine looked at his friends. From those evil smirks, _oh boy_, they already knew who that guy was.

And that guy's name was Kurt.

Blaine shook his head. He only hoped that his friends wouldn't mock him like the way now when they were with Kurt. But he looked at his friends laughing, he realized what he had just hoped for was useless, they were going to make fun of him and that was absolutely positive. _Oh well, wasn't that what friends were for?_

They left the choir room and headed to the cafeteria. They sat on their usual spot and continued to mock Blaine. Blaine didn't argue back, he was looking for Kurt now. He showed Kurt where the cafeteria was and told him dinner normally started at about six. He was hoping Kurt was good at direction and wouldn't get lost. Dalton was quite big and sometimes people got lost. That was what happened to him when he was new and he remembered the person who was making fun of him now, Wes, showed him the way so friendly when they first met, now they had become friend and Wes had finally showed his 'real side'.

"You know Wes, sometimes I really missed the first time we met." said Blaine.

Wes knew this sentence, he knew it because every time when Wes or any of his friends were teasing about him, Blaine would bring up the old time to remind them why were they friends in the first place, but it just never worked, and that's why they all loved Blaine besides his amazing talent.

"Wait, so you don't miss the first time we met. Blaine?" David put on a sad look, he was teasing for sure, how could Blaine not miss the first time they met? Everyone at the table laughed loudly.

"Oh come on! I showed him where his room was, I deserved to be missed!" Wes argued.

"What? Blaine! Tell me you miss ours, too? I showed you to the Warblers!" Thad joined in.

"Oh please, quiet everybody! I show him my answers for the Spanish homework when we first met, so he would miss me more than you guys." David said proudly and Thad gave him a high five.

Blaine was going to tease back, but now his mind got drift into somewhere else when he saw a boy walking to their table. Kurt was with his roommate, Nick, chatting and smiling.

Blaine felt kind of lucky when he figured out Nick was Kurt's roommate. Nick was the Warblers as well, that meant Kurt and he were in the same friendship group. And that meant he could spend a lot of time with Kurt, as a friend, for now.

"Kurt! So you didn't get lost! You're good at direction, huh?" Blaine said. The excitement in his voice was obvious. Wes, Thad and David exchanged their eye contacts quickly.

Kurt laughed, "Well, I cheated a little bit I guess. I asked Nick to take me here actually." He took a seat between Blaine and Nick, he joked as he continued, "But I guess I'm good at asking people favour." Kurt glanced over the table and saw all the others were laughing, he was glad that they appreciated his joke. People at McKinley didn't. They wouldn't bother to listen anyway.

Blaine liked Kurt even more, one was because of his gorgeous looking, of course, but second it was because Kurt had a good personality. He had not only found out Kurt was easy to be with, he was as funny as hell, too.

"Kurt," Blaine introduced him to his friends, "and Kurt, this is David, Thad and Wes."

"Nice to meet you Kurt." Greeted Wes.

"Nice to meet you all, it's a pleasure to be here." Kurt replied politely.

Right now there were thousands of thoughts running through Kurt's mind. He was scared, to some extent it was because he was exhausted from the first day, and to more extent he didn't know what to expect. He knew people here were kind, but Kurt also knew he wouldn't last any longer without a group of good friends. What if they didn't get alone and what if they decided they didn't like Kurt after they found out he was gay? Would that even happen? Or maybe they had already known he was gay by the look of his face? People at McKinley once teased about him that they could smell the lady inside him with even him coming out or seeing him. Kurt's look often gave away his sexuality. Small town like Lima was too closed to accept the fact homosexuality existed in this world. If you were gay there, your troubles began right away after you were born.

"So Kurt, where did you transfer from?" David asked.

"McKinley High, it's a public school in Lima." replied Kurt.

"Is is because your family moved here?" Thad asked the next question.

"No, my family is still in Lima, I transferred here because Dalton has zero tolerance policy…" Kurt breathed and slowly looked down to his drink on the table. There were words that would trigger those unhappy memories. The others were replying with an, "_Oh… we're sorry_." Without stating it clear, they all knew the reason. Kurt tried hard to hide them away so he wouldn't bring the great atmosphere down. He did successfully hide his emotions under his skin, however, not quite. Blaine was the only one who noticed the sadness in those crystal blue eyes. The sadness was buried deep somewhere in Kurt's heart and Blaine could see it straight away. He had been through probably the same as Kurt as well, to cheer Kurt up, he thought it might be nice for him to share his experience first.

"I got torn in my old school a lot, too." Blaine started off. He looked at Kurt, who was surprised by what Blaine had just said.

_Blaine got torn a lot in his old school?_ He wondered how could that even happen. Blaine was good-looking, had amazing voice. All Kurt had seen was the confident Blaine here, but how could an awesome person like this got bullied, too?

"I was a freshman when I came out," paused Blaine, he didn't take his eyes off Kurt the whole when he spoke, "I got bullied a lot, like every day and school was like hell to me. But I was never bullied physically," before he continued his story, he looked down at the table, seemed like he was gathering his courage, but he looked back to Kurt then. Kurt was waiting to hear more, "there was this Sadle Hawkins dance one day however, and I asked a friend of mine – the only other gay guy in the school. While we were waiting for his dad to pick us up, these three sophomores came, they um… beat the living crap out of us."

Kurt felt horrible after hearing Blaine's story. He knew there were people in this world would do whatever they could to get rid of gay people, but he never thought a person like Blaine had been through all of this.

"I'm so sorry…" Kurt said.

"It's okay. It was quite a long time ago. Anyway, so here I am, in Dalton, in heaven." Blaine held Kurt's hand tight without realizing, "and I promise you nothing like that will happen here."

"Thank you." said Kurt in a whisper. He was glad there was someone like him finally, someone who was gay and came out. When he was in McKinley he was the only kid who came out of the closet and he was lonely. Despites the bullies Kurt had good friends there, Rachel, Mercedes, Finn and others, but he was lonely. He hoped for so long that someone could understand him like the way he understood himself. Kurt looked at Blaine gratefully. He might have just found one.

He wasn't sure what that holding hands mean, though. _Was it to show empathy? Or did it mean something else?_

Wes cleared his throat, and when the two had notice the existence of others Wes spoke, "Tell us your hobbies, Kurt. We would really like to know."

"My hobbies, I guess the first one would definitely be fashion. I'm really into fashion, and I have thoughts about getting in fashion after graduation."

"We can tell." Wes smiled, approving Kurt's taste.

"And then it would be singing and reading I think." Kurt slightly shrugged, he didn't really have any interesting hobbies, they all sounded somehow boring to Kurt.

"Hmm, sound interesting to me, especially the reading and singing part, very much like me." Blaine commented, he indicated Kurt to give him a high five and Kurt did. In this high five, there were surprise and doubt, Kurt wanted to know if Blaine really enjoyed.

"I thought people like our age don't read anymore." Kurt teased.

"Oh you should totally go to Blaine's house and check out his bookshelf, you can find… what's that book called again?" Nick frown.

"Clarissa, or, the History of a Young Lady." Blaine smiled.

Kurt was surprised, once again, "Clarissa? I'm impressed." Kurt didn't expect anyone in this world like his age would know Clarissa, this was such a classic to read, it was too classic for them.

"It was kind of like a challenge, you know, because the length, but then I got really into the story." explained Blaine shyly.

"Well, I have no idea what that is but it sounds exciting for sure." Nick laughed.

The group changed their topic for a few times and the night continued to leave Kurt to be surprised and impressed. Blaine was such a different kid out of them. Everyone had been nice and patient enough to explain things to Kurt whenever they talked about something that Kurt wouldn't know. Kurt felt included, for the first time in many years, he felt he belonged to somewhere without worrying anything.

The feeling was good. It left him awake on bed.

Kurt thought about all the commons Blaine and him shared. _How many of them exactly?_ They were both gay, they both like singing and reading. Blaine wasn't as madly as Kurt about fashion but he surely knew something about it. They both went through rough time at old school and now they were both at Dalton. Kurt wanted to think about Blaine a little bit longer, but he was exhausted for the day. And tomorrow his classes finally began.

Kurt put on a smile before his body forced him fell asleep. He still didn't know what to expect yet, but after all, today was a good day for Kurt, undoubtedly.


	4. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

Time always felt faster on Fridays to Blaine.

Other students thought time went slower on Fridays.

He looked at the words on the whiteboard but he couldn't understand them. He listened to what the teacher was talking about but he couldn't concentrate. He held his pen but he didn't know what to write. Blaine was sitting in the classroom with an empty mind.

While all the students were looking forward to the weekend, Blaine was trying not to think about it. Friday meant he had to head home, staying in a place where the arguments began. His mother was kind, patient and she understood Blaine, but his father, there was no words to describe him. But if you had to, Blaine would rather die under the stress of school work than die at home because of his father. Their relationship went bad after Blaine had come out, but he doubted their relationship was even good at once before. His father was a lawyer and he all he cared was reputation, wining and money. Blaine didn't know his father well and that were all he could tell about his father. He believed his father couldn't tell anything about his son to others except the fact that he thought Blaine was just an embarrassing gay son. Every night that Blaine spent with him, every dinner that they had, his father would bring up the topic that always ended up in a disaster. Blaine hated this. He hated the situation that his father had put his family in.

_If he really hated homosexual people so much, why couldn't he just leave me alone?_ But Blaine's mother always came up with the conclusion about how much his father loved him.

"He loves you, Blaine, but you have to forgive him, he is not used to this whole new idea about homosexual is acceptable, or the fact that it is normal. He wasn't taught like that. Me neither, but people need time to understand that. Your dad just needs a little bit more time, that's it." Blaine's mother comforted him, her arms held tight around Blaine. Blaine let his head fell on his mother's shoulder.

"But gay is _normal_!" Blaine argued. He pulled himself out and looked up to his mother.

His mother looked down to his son, just a year ago there was full of joy in his eyes, but now all she saw behind the hazel eyes was broken hearted. Both of them knew they were lying, pretending, wishing one day this man would understand his son and respect his son's choice, but they both knew that was not happening. Their relationship only got worse, until the day when Blaine's world was surrounded by darkness.

In that one month there was no vision in Blaine's world, no voice or the feelings. There were no memories for Blaine in that one month, after he got serious injuries from the three sophomores who beat them after the Sadle Hawkins dance. Blaine couldn't tell what date it was after he woke up, but he woke up seeing his father on his side of the bed, looking exhausted. He seemed to be looking after Blaine since the incident happened. His father gave him a tight hug after his father told him what had happened. It almost made Blaine believed his father had changed.

_Almost._

Blaine couldn't believe it. His father had almost lost his son, how could his father blame him on that? The day after Blaine was discharged from the hospital, they had another argument on the same thing.

"Haven't you learnt your lesson? Gay is wrong, and that's why you got beaten in the first place!" Blaine's father was angry, he pointed at his son with his face red who was standing on the other side in the living room.

The room was in dead silence. Blaine could hear the glass crashed on the floor. It was his heart, "No. You're wrong dad. Gay is not wrong, gay is nothing but normal. _How could you, dad?_ _How could you_ look down on your son like this and blame him on something that wasn't his fault at all?" After that they would fight, cry and at the end, another cycle came again.

Things changed a bit when Blaine transferred to Dalton, but it was still a sore spot for Blaine to talk about. It was a surprise to him when he decided to tell Kurt his story, even though he didn't mention his father. Kurt had this magical spell that made Blaine wanted to share everything with him and spend every second with him.

He imagined Kurt sitting next to him now.

"Mr. Anderson, were you listening?" the teacher asked with his voice raised.

"Yes." Blaine responded.

"Then you better get an A for the test next week." The teacher warned. The bell rang after.

Blaine nodded and stood up. He faked a smile pretended he was enjoying the class. He packed up his things and walked out the classroom. His phone buzzed in his pocket. It was his brother, Cooper. His brother texted him that their parents weren't going to be at home this weekend and Cooper was going to stay at his girlfriend's place in Springfield. _Brilliant_, now Blaine didn't have to go home, he could stay at school, alone.

Alone wasn't really what Blaine wanted, but he guessed that was better than going home. Before he could think about things to do at the weekend, a familiar voice stopped him, "Hey Blaine! Wait up!"

Blaine turned around, it was David.

"Hey David! Excited to see your girlfriend?" asked Blaine.

"Oh yea. What about you? Are you going home?"

"No, I just got my brother's text saying no one will be home this weekend. I guess I will just stay at school." He replied.

"Stay at school alone?" David questioned. He frown, but then it turned into a grin, "Why don't you ask Kurt to see if he got plan or not?" David shouldered his backpack, "Good luck, Blaine! See you on Monday man!"

_Good luck for what?_ Blaine thought. If he was going to ask Kurt out, it would just be a friendly invitation, why would he need luck. He took David suggestion and headed to Kurt's dorm. He knocked on the door and a second after he saw Nick opening the door.

"Hello Nick! Is Kurt there?" Blaine smiled.

"No." Nick answered and wore an evil smirk on his face. Oh of course, Blaine was asking for Kurt, "Chemical's kicking in!" he said playfully.

Blaine shook his head with a smile, now every second and then he had to put up with the teases from his immature friends, "Is he already gone?"

"No, his thing's still here. Normally after classes or rehearsals he would disappear for a while. Don't really know why." Nick shrugged, he continued, "Maybe he's in the library, he did tell me the work here is much harder than his old school, so he may be in the library catching up work."

Blaine thanked Nick and he left. He rethought about what Nick had just told him when he was walking to the library. "_Normally after classes or rehearsals he would disappear for a while._" Was he in the library all the time? Was he working hard? Blaine hated the fact that for a week he and Kurt hadn't really had a meaningful conversation yet. They passed each other with saying a 'Hi.' or a question asking the day, then they would depart to different directions. Blaine hated that they don't share any classes together. Their dorms weren't even on the same floor. The only little time they share together was during Warblers rehearsals, that was it. He thought about how he could talk to Kurt more, get to know Kurt more. He wondered if Kurt had got friends outside Warbles, he wondered if Kurt had found good friends and forgot about Blaine already. He was thinking too much that he obviously didn't know he was walking into a boy.

"Oh! I'm sorry!" the taller boy apologized first.

"No, no, no, I'm sorry. I should've looked where I was walking." Blaine apologized to the taller boy. He didn't look up to the boy because he was thinking about Kurt and he was about to leave before the taller boy stopped him.

"Blaine? Where are you going?" looked concerned, the taller boy asked.

Blaine heard his name from the boy he had just walked into and he finally looked at the boy. He was shocked. Did he just not recognize Kurt's voice?

"You seem to be upset." Kurt said.

"Oh my god! No! I was just thinking about you." Blaine's happy face appeared again, but he saw the taller boy's face, "Kurt you look really pale, are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a headache, that's all." he answered, "Well back to you, what kind of things you were thinking about me?"

Blaine blushed. Blaine wanted to ask the taller boy again to see if he was really okay, because he looked pale, like sickness pale. And Kurt had answered his question in such a simple way that Blaine couldn't believe it. Blaine thought the headache must be bad. But then what Kurt asked him had made him flushed with happiness.

He chuckled before he spoke, "I was going to ask you if you got plan for the weekend, but I bet you need to go home."

"Yes, I'm sorry… um, but aren't you going back as well?" Kurt noticed the blush on Blaine's face. It was cute. Watching Blaine blushed was probably the sweetest thing he could ever experience. Blaine's blush made Kurt felt special. No one had blushed at him before.

"My parents won't be home. But don't worry. I will see you on Monday then." Blaine smiled. He pretended it didn't matter. The fact was he wanted to be with Kurt, just two of them so badly, more than he thought. Kurt was like a magnet to him, the closer he was with Kurt, the more he wanted to know about Kurt. Blaine turned around and walked, he couldn't help to show his disappointment in knowing that he was going to spend his weekend alone without Kurt. _Great, what can I do?_

"Blaine!" Kurt shouted. He ran to Blaine and said, "I know it's a long drive, but… do you want to come to Lima so we go out together? And you can spend the night over at my place if you want to." Kurt said kindly.

Blaine looked at Kurt like a child who got a pet that he always wanted for, "Really?"

"Really. I mean not tonight though, I got to ask my dad for permission, but I'm sure he will be happy to meet you." smiled Kurt, "So what do you say?"

"Sure!" Blaine was so excited, his excitement was written over his face. He couldn't ask for more, could he?

"Okay, I will text you my address and time to meet up then." Kurt laughed.

Blaine listened to Kurt's laugh. He knew Kurt for only a week and he hadn't heard Kurt laughed much before. It was a soft laugh. The sound of his laugh was like the sound of a bell breezing with the wind, "Okay, well, thank you so much for inviting me to your place." Blaine smiled back.

"I'll see you later."

"See you." Blaine said. He was waiting for the taller boy to turn around and walk away, but the taller boy didn't. Both of them had said goodbye but none of them had moved. They were standing in the same position awkwardly. Blaine could hear Kurt laughed softly again, he smiled.

The situation was awkward, but Blaine wanted it to last. It was like they could communicate with each other without language, they could understand each other without speaking. When Kurt looked Blaine in the eyes, Blaine felt something new, something refreshing, something he was thrilled to try.

He stepped in closer to Kurt.

He put his hand on Kurt's face and gently grazed on his cheek.

The taller boy didn't move.

The taller boy watched the other boy touched his face.

Blaine leaned towards Kurt.

Kurt did the same.

They kissed.

It was hard to describe how exactly it felt like. Kurt found it hard to breathe. He had to suck the air from Blaine until both of them were running out of oxygen. Their lips broke away, and they gazed to each other.

Blaine grinned, "I um… I guess see you later then." and he turned around.

Kurt didn't move until Blaine was gone out of his sight. He wasn't sure what had just happened, but his lips felt like burning. His heart was beating too fast that he could feel his head was so heavy and his body was too light to support the weigh. Kurt covered his mouth. _What exactly just happened?_ He was scared about what would happen next, but he enjoyed the moment.

Blaine opened the door into his dorm, his roommate was already gone. He lied down on his bed, thinking about the same thing. But when he turned around, he didn't see the tears in the taller boy's eyes, he didn't know what this kiss would lead them into.

Kurt knew.

The night was hard for Blaine as he couldn't wait for tomorrow. He rolled on the bed many times, he tried to stay still, let his mind sank down. He waited the moment when everything he saw was black, but instead he saw Kurt's face.

At the end Blaine fell asleep at two in the morning. Fighting with his mind was tiring, but it was worth it.


	5. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

He knew Lima was just a small town.

Blaine parked his car in front of Kurt's house. He felt lucky that he had a GPS device on his car, otherwise he would get lost. He knew Lima was small, and that was true, he just didn't think his sense in direction would be that bad. He got lost for quite a few times before he turned on his GPS, but luckily time was still early. He climbed out from his car and pushed the door bell button. He kept on thinking what it would be like when Kurt was in his casual clothes. Over the week Blaine learned Kurt loved fashion, but he only saw Kurt wearing his own clothes once. Blaine could hear a man's voice talking, the voice got closer as he heard the footsteps as well, and the door was opened.

"Mr. Hummel?" the man who wore a tartan shirt in front of Blaine was a tall, big guy. Blaine couldn't see his hair because the man was wearing a cap, but he guessed the man was bald.

"Yes, and you must be Blaine. Burt, please." They shook hands politely. Kurt's father looked nothing like Kurt, or should he say Kurt looked nothing like his father except for the eyes. The eyes reminded Blaine. When Blaine looked at Burt, he could see the same blue eyes. Only that Kurt's eyes were much purer and innocent, Burt looked experienced. Burt turned his head and shouted, "Kurt? Blaine's here." he turned back to Blaine and said, "He'll be here in a second."

"Sure. No hurries." Blaine smiled.

His smile grew bigger when he saw Kurt was coming. He was perfect. Like usual, his fringe was slightly gelled back loosely and the hair was lustrous. Blaine noticed Kurt's outfit, he was wearing a navy blue cardigan jumper with white pants. They were just what normal people would wear but then on Kurt, it just looked so different, so perfect. Kurt put on his coat said goodbye to his dad.

"Hi Blaine." Kurt smiled and closed the door, but Burt opened it again, "Have fun, kids. And remember what you've promised, Kurt!"

Kurt sighed, "I know, Dad." Yet Burt wasn't convinced, he then moved his focus to Blaine, "Blaine, look after this kid. And don't do anything stupid, he-"

"_Dad!_ You worried too much!" Kurt cut off the sentence and looked a bit annoyed. Blaine looked at them and felt happy for them, he was glad that they had got a good father-son relationship. At least back in time when Kurt used to get bullied Burt would be there for him. Blaine smiled at Burt and promised him that he would look after Kurt. Kurt blushed because of embarrassment and the promise that Blaine made. Kurt didn't expect Burt would bring that up, he thought they made a deal about not talking this in front of Blaine. Now he only hoped that Blaine wouldn't ask anything. He turned his attention back to Blaine and shook his head, "I'm sorry, my dad likes to worry. Hope it doesn't bother you."

"Don't be silly. But what did you promise? Because that just sounded like you've been grounded." Blaine laughed and joked.

Kurt chuckled, "Um… well, he made me promised that I would send him a message in every hour."

Blaine dropped his mouth slightly to express his surprise, "What've you done, Kurt? Something bad?" he approached closer and gave Kurt a smirk. Kurt laughed as he watched so, "I may have just kidnapped a few boys to somewhere and ran away from my dad so he wouldn't find out." he joked back.

Kurt was relieved when Blaine didn't ask anything further.

"I'm driving, unless you know where to go." informed Kurt.

"No, in fact –"Blaine said, "I actually used the GPS on my way here." He said it like he was proud of it. Kurt couldn't help but laughed, "GPS? Wow, I didn't expect it was that hard to find." He walked to the other side and got into the driver seat while Blaine sat on the passenger seat fastening his seatbelt.

"So, where are you kidnapping me to?" asked Blaine teasingly.

"Just to keep your mouth shut for a while, I decided to fill it with food." Kurt steering, "I hope you're hungry."

"Oh, I'm _so ready_ for a brunch."

* * *

As Burt closed the door he could hear the emptiness echoing in this house, hitting him like a brick. He knew Kurt would be having fun. That was good, that was exactly what a father wanted to see his son to be. Blaine seemed to be a nice kid, he was polite and mannered. And Burt knew that expression on Kurt's face, just like his many years ago, when he used to date Elizabeth. After Elizabeth had died, he hadn't really seen that expression on Kurt or him either, but now, after Kurt had transferred to Dalton, after Kurt had made a friend called Blaine, the happiness quietly came back. Burt already liked Blaine, however, that didn't stop Burt worrying.

The memory was so vivid that he remembered the year after Elizabeth, Kurt's mother, had died, he thought he was going to lose Kurt as well. His world was crumbling down and he wanted to give it up, give it all up. But this young boy, this young boy in Burt's arm had a strong mind; he fought for himself when his dad almost gave him up. He dared his dad not to be sad because he would live healthy again in no time. The kid kept his promise and now here he was, turning into a man which Burt could barely recognize. All these years they had gone through a lot, especially when Kurt was bullied at school, but their well-built bond held strong under thunders and winds. Although Burt's life now was full of bliss, he still stuck his feet on the ground. Last night was an alarm to Burt – the sickness was slowly creeping back. Seven years ago it turned the world upside down, now seven years later it started to make its way back. Now what could he do to stop this? He thought. _Everything's going to be fine. We all know now and nothing should go wrong._

Burt walked into the kitchen and walked out again, he went around the sofa in the living room but didn't sit on it. He looked unsettled, he was indeed. His head turned around to check the clock on wall and looked at the hands on the clock. _Has time ever gone so slow than now?_ Time had gone too slow in Burt's eyes, and Kurt should have called now. It was like more than an hour already, but it really had just been fifteen minutes since his son left. Burt locked and unlocked his phone quite a few times, leaving his fingerprints all over his phone. The voice inside him kept telling everything would be fine – what could go wrong really? He did everything he could do, but why comforting himself wasn't shaking the panicky feeling out?

He swore the minute hand had not moved at all.

Burt quickly typed in the password he had on his phone, without looking at the contact page he dialed a familiar number. He waited the person on the other of the phone to pick up the call.

"Oh Burt! I hope you're taking your pills on time like this!" it was a sweet sound that could comfort Burt. He listened to the voice lingered in his ear, he waited until the voice had completely faded.

Carole could hear the giggle from the other side of the phone. She had just finished her shift and went for change. She was unlocking her locker when her phone buzzing her impatiently. The shift left her felt tired as being a nurse, even though it wasn't the hardest job , it was hard enough. And by that Carole meant all the energy she needed to confront the patients, holding back her emotions when she witnessed many tragedies happened around her. It took all her energy to hide her voice, her voice to tell whoever that was up there that this world was not being fair enough. She had seen too many, too many of good or bad kids died, young or old people gone so suddenly. She knew how that felt – losing someone who was close to you, she knew it and she wished she would never go through that again. Carole locked her locker after she took her bag out.

Her eye lids were heavy as hell, she was really tired after a long night shift and a morning shift, but she was being serious as well. If Burt could ever take his pills on time like now, she would have much less to worry about, "Honey, is everything okay?" Carole's instinct told her something was not right, then she heard Burt sighed.

"Kurt had just left fifteen minutes ago, and I'm already regretting this, Caro." Sounded worried, Carole smiled before she answered, "Burt! It was only fifteen minutes ago, I understand why, but darling? You're just scaring yourself." She hold on to her phone to find the key to unlock her car, she spoke straight away when she got in her car, "Honey, I'm on way home now, but I need to do some shopping for tonight. I will be home within an hour, anything you want?"

"No, as long as you're the one whose cooking." he joked, but his voice turned softer, "I just want you home, safe."

Carole wished Burt was next to her so he could see how glad she was to have Burt as her lover, "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"And darling?"

"Yup?"

"Go and get some sleep, you sound exhausted."

Burt thought so. He could really use some sleep right now. After the call he took off his shoes and tucked himself in bed. As he shut his eyes closed he could hear an echo in his ears, it was rather blue but lovely compared to the sweetness he had just talked to.

_Burt gazed at his wife, Elizabeth Hummel, she looked just as perfect as nine years ago. She was beautiful than anybody else in this world._

_You know this is genetic, it's inherited. You can't blame yourself, Darling._

_He watched as his wife put her hand on his chest. It was warm, but oh, it felt like burning. The touch was heartburning. The feeling was so alive._

* * *

It was a stirring feeling inside Blaine when he watched this boy in front of him grinned. Under the clear blue sky they were at a park walking, chatting about school and the Warbles, their lives and their families. They talked about everything. Every time when reached to the end they would turned around without noticing and went back to where they came from, until they reached the end of the road again. Every time they turned Blaine was listening to the boy who was talking. This boy had this such a musical voice that when he spoke, it was something that melted with the air he breathed, he inhaled with it, let the voice slowly sank into his blood, his lungs and his heart. He exhaled, focusing on the boy, walking past many trees that had just grown out the newly born green leaves forming such a beautiful picture, he ignored them of all. The eyes he looked into were blue, but a different blue compared to the sky. There were no words to describe those pair of heart-robbing eyes. Those eyes had some kind of magic, a spell that Blaine's body couldn't resist stepping closer to the boy. Sometimes their hands would come across touching each other, touching and feeling before one hand would escape, hold back.

When the boy finished talking, the conversation stopped for a while.

"So I hope this wasn't too boring for you." Kurt started.

"No, this is great. I like walking with friends and chatting, this is just perfect." Blaine smiled.

Kurt shyly smiled back, his cheeks turned into light pink. The conversation broke off again.

Then Blaine had this question inside him, "Have you ever thought about the future?" Blaine asked. He looked back the boy only he spotted the boy seemed to be upset when he heard the word future. His expression was fragile. Kurt took his time to answer, "I dreamed about standing on a Broadway stage, or running my own fashion design."

"You dreamed?" Blaine was pretty sure when heard Kurt had used past tense to describe.

"I just – just I don't see me doing either of them." Kurt looked away to somewhere far after he finished his sentence.

"Kurt," Blaine stopped Kurt from walking and stood in front of him so Kurt could see Blaine, "you're the most amazing human-being I've ever come across in my life," both his hands holding Kurt's, "I've heard you sing, I've seen your passion. You're perfect, you just don't know it yet."

Now the boy's cheek was rosy red, his eyes got widen, looking at Blaine like he didn't believe what he just heard, "Really?" His eyes got watery when he looked straight to Blaine.

Blaine couldn't tell if that was sad tears or happy tears, but he gently squeezed the boy's hand, in his voice he was so sure, "Really."

A tear dropped down on Kurt's face. From the day he could remember, he didn't know how a word could be so encouraging. It was a word came with colours, colours that brought Kurt's life alive for that moment.

"I… for so many years, I just never felt so special… I – I wasn't needed or loved… I," Kurt stopped at here, he couldn't say anymore, no sound would come out. He told himself that he shouldn't be this emotional right now, he shouldn't cry in front of Blaine. Blaine might have just said some compliments about him, but that didn't mean anything. But now the tears didn't want to stop, they kept running out from Kurt's eyes.

Blaine cut off Kurt, "I will. I will make you special, because I need you. I – I," his arms wrapped around Kurt's waist to pull him into his arms, "_And because I love you, Kurt_." Those words like a melody sang into Kurt's ears, Blaine could feel the boy got intense by the words.

"_Please, give me a chance_." Blaine held Kurt tight.

"You do?"

"I love you, Kurt. I don't think I can hide it anymore. Would you be my boyfriend?" Kurt smiled softly and looked at the boy who just called him perfect, "And I will be your boyfriend." He whispered.

The sound lingered. They rested at each other's forehead and looked into each other's eyes before the sky turned grey and the wind was too cold for them to stay.


	6. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

Karofsky turned his head around.

Something stood out in his eyes, it was an accident, he wasn't looking for this boy or stalking him, but just opposite the convenience store where Karofsky was in there were two boys walking in the park. He spotted the boy at the first sight. The boy stood out in anywhere as always.

Karofsky walked towards to the window and took a second look.

School was no fun now since the boy had gone. People at school started wondering where that one and only one lady boy had gone; some said he was back in the closet, but Karofsky knew the best. Lady boy had been avoiding him. When a target was gone, he could always go and find a new one. But he was wrong. When the boy was gone, he felt empty. The old habit managed him to find a few new targets but after once or twice, he got sick of them. He needed that boy. Watching that boy suffered was the best thrill in Karofsky's life, it was a new feeling, new experience to him. Sometimes when he saw the boy walking pass the hallway he would find himself staring at the boy intensely, the adrenaline rush through his brain made him go dizzy, but he liked it. The only thing he needed to do was to make a plan. Not a plan that Karofsky bumped into the boy and they started their first conversation, but a plan that everyone knew Karofsky did the best – bullying.

At first it was just slushies, called him fag or homo, no big deal. Then the plan went off of his control, he couldn't help but starting some intimacies between him and the boy. He carried on his anger and passed it on the boy. He started threatening the boy, physically hurting him. Those bruises he made on the boy's body belonged to him, the boy was his target and no one could steal his target. It was a victory, claiming the boy as his boy. Maybe he took things a little bit too far, but who cared? No one would care a lady boy being bullied, they wouldn't dare anyway. He could say whatever he wanted or he could do whatever he felt like to this boy without getting any trouble. Once he had threatened the boy that he might kill him if he said any words out about the bullying, the boy was stupid enough to believe he would really kill him, so he took things even further, like he said, who cared? No one. The next day the bruises would be gone, either covered by clothes and scarf, or things like counselor that Karofsky wouldn't have known. Things only lady boys would know, he didn't need to know how that boy covered up, he only needed to know when and where to continue his bullying. Karofsky was not stupid, but maybe not so smart as well – he picked body parts to hit. Like during winters he would pick anywhere he wanted because they would be hidden by clothes, but summers were little bit trickier, he needed to be careful not to hurt the boy's arms or anywhere else that would be seen. Sometimes it was out of control when the arms were full of bruises, at first he was scared, but then nothing really happened. He thought maybe someone would pick it up and he would get into trouble, but no, that didn't happen, so he continued.

It was harder during break times, when they couldn't see each other every day, but he could wait. He would pass the boy with his warmest welcoming smirk to the boy if he ever seen him in public. He wanted to hit him, place his fist all over the boy's body, but that would be too dumb to do. They would have plenty of time at school anyway, but a break was all it took. The boy was vanished, gone, nowhere to be seen.

Karofsky was disappointed and frustrated, he picked up new targets but that didn't fulfill him. He wanted the boy back.

During the Christmas thirteen years ago, Karofsky's father told him that he would have no present from Santa Claus because a boy liked him no one would listen to his wishes. He grinded his teeth ever since then, believing what his father said was no true. Now finally, his wish came true, the boy was back.

He grabbed a magazine that he had never read anything like that in his life, his hands were holding it but his eyes were wandering around somewhere else. The only thing he needed was a plan, a new plan.

He flipped the pages.

The first one Karofsky got onto was a boy called Rory. He was an Irish exchange student who accidentally blocked Karofsky's way in the hall. Karofsky slushied him and called him a fag for the next day as a warm welcoming, but it didn't feel the same. Rory did not press his lips together like when the boy did, Karofsky moved on. He picked his new target on a guy who he didn't the name, but the only thing he knew the guy was a junior, same grade as the boy. There was a while Karofsky asked himself why he picked that guy. The guy was trendy, like the boy, and he was feminine, too. But no, Karofsky did not feel right. Now that one week had passed, those frustrations were getting too annoying. He had to get the boy back, but how?

His eyes caught on a black side bag. He smirked. It was god's wish, it was meant to be. The boy was meant to be back to him.

A school bag with a red school badge, his dad had shown him before, he remembered it.

Dalton Academy, he had good eyes.

He put down the magazine and headed to the opposite direction to the park. The air outside was full of that boy's smell; he took a deep breath, enjoying his moment on his thoughts of hunting his prey. All he needed to do was to make a phone call to his old friend.

Dave Karofsky had been too quiet for a while, but the man was now back.

* * *

Love was silly. It was always silly to Blaine Anderson no matter how many times he had fallen in love with somebody, because he would want to sing for his love one, write songs for his love one, call his love one with a silly name and put a silly smile on his face all the time. Blaine had found himself repeating this all over again now.

Kurt was holding his hand, leading him to Kurt's room after a delicious dinner with the Hummel and Hudson family. During the dinner Blaine had learned that Kurt's dad, Burt, already knew his son was gay when he was three, because all Kurt wanted was a pair of sensible heels. Blaine tried his best to control his laugh, but if there were only Kurt and him, he would laugh to death. Yet, there were just so much to learn and to know from each other. This was why love was silly in the first place. He only knew Kurt for a week and he felt he already known for years, he only knew Kurt so little that he already felt Kurt was the one for him. How did he know? What happened if things didn't work out as the way it supposed to be? Love was silly, silly enough to make him impatient. He couldn't wait, so now Kurt was his boyfriend, what was next? Talking? Or kissing some more? Love was silly because Blaine knew nothing about it. He was a true hopeless romantic and reality was just not what he thought.

He imagined the day he would live with Kurt happily forever, he dreamed about the flawless side of love, even though he knew love hurt and probably had the most flaws than in any other relationships. Somehow he believed Kurt and him would make it to the very end.

He walked into the room. It was cozy but stylish. It wasn't something that you saw on the magazine, but within the range of a high school student Kurt really did a great job on decorating his room. The first few things he noticed were the windows and the desk. The windows were facing the door side and a long L shape study desk was put along the side, with one side having bookshelf which clearly was where Kurt used to spend his time studying, and the other side there were the face products. It looked very comfortable, it looked like a real home, a home that was lived by a happy family who loved each other as much as they could. It was funny how a room could give Blaine so many feelings to talk about.

Kurt gently beamed; he looked at Blaine who was slowly examining his room. He wished he passed because he had spent the morning cleaning up things so his room would look perfect, well, at least something nice. Blaine smiled back, he approved, "Wow, Kurt, did you do all of this on your own? Because this is just so… just so amazing." Blaine let go with an amazed sigh.

"Yup." He chuckled, pressing his lips together tight.

"I wish I have a room like yours." Blaine confessed. He really meant it. His room was probably a lot bigger than Kurt's, but it never felt like his. The room he used to sleep in every night felt like it was somebody's room, and he was just a stranger who walked pass the place and borrowed the place to rest. It was strange when Kurt's room felt more like home to Blaine than his.

"And now you got the chance to experience it tonight." said Kurt humorously.

Blaine pulled Kurt into his arms. He wrapped around Kurt's waist and gave him a kiss. Kurt was so adorable; he said things that were too enduring to bear to hear. He turned around and carefully examined the bookshelf again. This thing he was caught by the Harry Potter Books.

"Hey, I thought you didn't like Harry Potter!" Blaine pointed.

"Why's that?" Kurt asked.

Blaine raised his right eyebrow, "Because you don't like uniforms?" He laughed of what he said, ignoring Kurt was rolling his eyes, "Their uniforms were so much better than Dalton's." He stated.

"Oh, admit it! You only like the scarf!" Blaine teased, "And you like how Dalton's blazer is fitting on me." He almost whispered into Kurt's ear. Exactly, love was silly, it made him silly. He walked closer to the bookshelf to change the topic and left Kurt blushing. He knew Kurt loved reading, he just didn't know how much he loved it. The bookshelf was full of books that there was no way he could squeeze another book in, and there were more on the study desk. He glanced over quickly and spotted four books about human heart.

"Planning on to be a cardiac surgeon?" Blaine turned back over to Kurt, whose face was still red but acted like nothing happened, "Well, unless I can give the heart some proper clothes and a _scarf_, then I don't think so."

Blaine chuckled on what Kurt had just said, "Huh, didn't know you're a science freak." He looked at Kurt, who was running with his fingers, looked a bit startled by the fact that Blaine had chosen this topic. Blaine walked towards Kurt, pulled him gently into his arms, "What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?" Blaine almost asked in a whisper.

Kurt gave him a weak smile, he let go a sigh, paused for a while before his lips finally moved again, "My dad doesn't have a good heart," he said. Kurt was struggling about telling the truth, the whole story to Blaine. _It was no time yet_, he thought, "He had a massive heart attack just not long before and that scared me out. I thought I was going to lose him,"

"I'm sorry –" Blaine was cut off by Kurt, "It's okay, you don't know." He continued, "so I thought it would better if I know more about the heart problems, so next time when…." Kurt stopped, swallowed hardly. To be very honest, Kurt couldn't even imagine the picture of his dad on hospital, leaving him alone forever. It had always been them two, after Kurt's mother died, it made Kurt's heart went insanely fast whenever he thought about this idea.

"Shh…" Blaine tried to comfort Kurt. He slid his hand on Kurt's back slowly while he was looking the boy in front of him. Kurt was beautiful, and even though he knew Kurt probably wouldn't believe him, but Kurt was the most beautiful he had ever seen. Blaine pressed a kiss on his boyfriend's forehead.

The kiss was gently and sweet at first, then Kurt could feel the burnt, it was a good burnt. The kiss didn't stop Kurt from worrying, but it was good enough to make him smile again. As Kurt was enjoying the burning feeling on his forehead, he remembered the kiss from yesterday, when Blaine kissed him, or should he say, when they kissed each other near the dorm, what exactly happened? Why?

"Blaine?" Kurt loosen the hug from Blaine to look at him.

"Yes?"

"The kiss yesterday… what makes you want to…" Kurt stopped himself before he died from blushing.

Right. The kiss. Blaine had almost forgotten that they kissed yesterday since it felt so right to do. Yet, the thing was, Blaine didn't even know exactly why. He only knew that he was attracted to Kurt so badly like magnet.

"You make my head spin, so I can't even tell you why. But I guess that's the reason why."

"So we're the love from first sight?"

"I guess so." Blaine answered.

"This is silly." Kurt murmured.

He was right, this was silly. They didn't even know each other.

"It is." Blaine stopped for a while before he began again, "But we're high school students, we're supposed to be silly."

Kurt didn't say anything but a smile.

Love was silly, indeed. At this moment in Blaine's head, he was running on all of the possibilities of their endings, if there would be any. He thought if things didn't work out, what would they do, but it was all too much for now. Love was silly and it made him silly, too. Blaine couldn't get his head straight, he wouldn't want to anyway.

Love was just that silly.


	7. Chapter Six

Just so that you know I haven't forgot the story, but my final is in five weeks and I found it harder to have time to write the story. If you love the story (I know it's sad), please leave a comment, it gives me energy to write. This is a relatively short one, but enjoy it!

* * *

**Chapter Six**

"Oh god, if we keep chatting, my skin is going to be horrible tomorrow." Kurt said. He was sitting on his bed with Blaine, laughing and chatting. They had just finished watching _the Hunger Games_. Although Kurt really wanted to watch the Broadway show _Chicago_, he didn't want to bore Blaine on their first date. Finn had dropped by before and gave him _the Hunger Games_ DVD, Kurt thought maybe this would be the moment to watch it, so he did. Blaine seemed to enjoy it, but _bloody hell_, why would any want to watch the kids fighting with each other to death? It was a movie, sure, but still, the idea was just so sick. Kurt couldn't get off this sick idea now, he mind was not obeying what his master was commanding. The bits and pieces of the scenes were crawling back to his mind, repeating themselves in his head.

"No, it won't. It's just one night." Blaine smiled, lying on Kurt's bed. He rolled closer to Kurt, "but anyway, I think Gary Ross did a great job."

Kurt looked at Blaine and showed his hesitation, he wasn't sure if it was because he didn't like the movie or it was because he didn't like the idea at first. Maybe it was both. Kurt didn't want to figure out. Maybe at some time he would watch _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ again with a cup of coffee so he could get _the Hunger Games_ off his mind.

"I don't know, I haven't read the books yet, and it's not really my type of thing I guess." Kurt answered.

"It makes sense. I think you would prefer watching movies like… um, _Breakfast at Tiffany's_?"

Kurt laughed softly, "Do you read people's mind?"

"Like in _Twilight_? No." Blaine frown and pretended to be disguised by the idea he came up with, but quickly changed the topic before Kurt' could respond, "Then how come you got the DVD?" he asked.

"Finn gave me the DVD; he said it was good and I should watch it." Kurt shrugged, "Obviously, my future step-brother still doesn't know me so well." Kurt turned off his laptop as he said so. He turned his head to look at the alarm clock, 11:59pm, a minute to midnight, a late night with Blaine.

"I'm tired." Kurt yawned.

"Me too," Blaine sighed, "but I don't want to sleep." He made a little puppy sad face to Kurt.

Kurt chuckled but he turned serious as he spoke, "We have to. I still got to finish my homework tomorrow." Kurt tucked himself under the warm blanket.

"Gross." Blaine walked up to door and made the face as he opened it.

"You know you can sleep here with me. I can wake you up early and my dad won't know." His face was blushing. He wasn't sure if this is a good idea or not, but he wanted to offer Blaine.

"Don't worry, the couch is really cozy. Besides, I don't think neither of us can get up early tomorrow. Goodnight Kurt." Blaine smiled before he closed the door. When he was completely out of Kurt's sight, he let the darkness swallowed his smile and his mind. He walked down stairs without turning on the light, didn't even bother to worry about tripping over. He knew something was wrong, yet, he couldn't tell what the problem was. Something didn't feel right, Kurt didn't feel right.

Blaine was so madly in love with Kurt, he would think about seeing him every day, he would imagine the day they got married, they kissed, they made love and they grew old. He was still madly in love with Kurt, but it was Kurt who seemed to be holding a bucket of water, trying splash it towards the fire. The more Blaine walked in to Kurt's world, the more he felt something was blocking him.

The moonlight shone through the window and landed on the living room floor. Blaine sat down on the sofa with the pillow and the blanket that Burt had set for him. He lied back against it and let his head rest on the sofa. Whatever it was, Blaine wasn't looking for it, but he wanted to know what stopped Kurt from opening his heart.

"Not sleeping tonight, kiddo?" Blaine almost jumped when he heard of Burt's voice. He didn't expect Burt would stay up that late, or maybe his footsteps woke him up. His heart skipped a beat when he realized this would be the first time he and Burt were alone in the same area, as Kurt had always been with him today, he didn't know what to say to Burt. He watched Burt walking towards the kitchen and opened the fridge.

"I can't sleep," Blaine answered, "you can't sleep as well? Mr. –"

"Call me Burt." Burt took out the cold water glass bottle. Blaine felt uncomfortable calling Burt instead of Mr. Hummel. Was him going tell Blaine off that they were staying too late? Or was he going ask Blaine every detail about what they did in the room? He looked at Burt pouring the water into the glasses. Those glasses are tall, filled with water, as Burt handed it to Blaine, Blaine was sure somehow he was in trouble. Maybe Burt didn't like him at all, maybe Burt was going to tell him to leave his son, but Blaine was surprised when Burt smiled at him.

"My son likes you very much." Burt sat down on the other side of the couch, "and I can tell you're serious about this by the way you look at him."

"I love Kurt, a lot." Blaine replied, he had a zip of his cold water. The coolness of the water calmed him down, now he wasn't so afraid what Burt was going to tell him. He was more concern about what held Kurt back.

"Good, that's exactly what I want to hear, and I hope that's exactly what you will do." Burt stood up from the couch before Blaine could ask, "Burt, can I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead."

"I love Kurt a lot, and I know Kurt does the same… but something doesn't feel right. I feel like Kurt is trying to hide something." Blaine explained to Burt, there were worries on his face.

Burt sat back again, "Like how?"

"Like… Kurt is talkative. He talks a lot about you, his family, his friends, but… he never talks about himself unless I ask him to. And whenever we talk about the future, Kurt acts like… acts like he won't have one… and that worry me a lot." Blaine could see the hesitation in Burt's eyes. It was just that one second when Blaine caught it, but the hesitation went away when the glass of cold water hit Burt's mind.

"Kiddo," Burt paused, "for whatever that is, I believe when the day Kurt wants to tell you, he will."

"I –"Blaine was interrupted by Burt, "Don't rush anything. Believe me, he will. Now try to get some sleep." Burt got up, gave Blaine a good comfort on his shoulder and went back to his room, leaving Blaine on the couch in the dark.

It was full moon that night, big and round. The moon light shone through the window plane – the room was lightened, but it was still dark, dark enough for Blaine to stare at the moon that was far away. That was what he felt now, far and away. It didn't hit him so hard until he thought about it. If this was right, why did it feel so wrong then?

He lied down on the couch finally, his eyes fixed on the moonlight. He wasn't sure if he was thinking anything or nothing, at the first time after he covered from the scars his dad gave him, his heart had never felt as lonely as now. Instead worrying about anything, a melody came out. It came up so naturally, a song he liked. He hummed the melody as he tried to put himself to sleep.

_You said "Ain't this just like the present  
To be showing up like this"  
As a moon waned to crescent  
We started to kiss_

_And I said I know it well_

A tear drop was on Blaine Anderson's face.

_That secret that we know  
That we don't know how to tell  
I'm in love with your honour  
I'm in love with your cheeks  
What's that noise up the stairs babe?  
Is that Christmas morning creaks?_

Two tear drops. Three, and four. Blaine wasn't going to hold it longer, but he wasn't going to lose it as well.

"Blaine? Blaine?"

Blaine almost jumped off from the bed as he heard a familiar voice, "Rachel?"

"I'm sorry to interpret." Rachel wasn't wearing the same outfit, she changed. The outfit was a bright pink jumper with a plain white top. It looked more youthful than the black outfit she wore earlier on today. But Blaine wasn't paying any attention of these, because if he was he would notice the letter that Rachel was holding with familiar handwriting on the cover.

"How did you get in?" Blaine frown, he felt like he had just woken up. His head felt dizzy and funny, he was cold, maybe numb. He couldn't tell if this was a dream or not neither.

"Your door wasn't locked." Rachel spun around to point at the door. As she turned back, she saw a Blaine who was exhausted, soul eaten by the darkness. Watching him like now, it was a… torture.

"Right… I must have forgotten to lock it…" Blaine's hand was on his forehead rubbing, "Why are you here? I mean… It's nice to see you… but it's midnight already." He looked at Rachel who was still standing at the door side.

"And that's why I'm here." She allowed herself to walk into the room. A room with a single bed, a simple desk, a chair and an old fashion television, an average motel room at Lima. Her arm extended, holding the letter to Blaine, waiting him to take it, but he didn't. Instead, he asked, "What is that?"

"A letter." Rachel answered.

Blaine was even more confused now by the fact that Rachel had just appeared on the door, and now she was handing him a letter?

But it was the handwriting that caught his attention.

"A letter from Kurt." She added.

Blaine looked up, he wanted to ask about more but Rachel spoke first, "He wrote it for you and handed it to me."

Blaine slightly shook his head, he was tired, too tired to process any more information about Kurt. Wasn't today enough already? Wasn't today enough of Kurt, all those memories, all those loves and vows? He closed his eyes hard and opened them, "And you waited eleven years to give it to me?" he didn't mean to be angry, but his tone certainly was.

Rachel was aware of that and she was a bit shocked, "Kurt told me only handed to you if you still haven't let go for a long time." She explained, "I didn't know and I didn't have a chance, but now, I think you need it." She re-handed it to Blaine.

Blaine took the letter. He swallowed and looked at the letter, his hand gently feeling the texture of the envelope. The letter, probably written eleven years ago, turned yellow and old. He smelled the letter. It wasn't the smell that Kurt had anymore, or maybe it was him who forgot how Kurt smelled.

"Thank you." Blaine gave a faint smile.

Rachel returned her smile, but before she went out of the door, she stopped.

"Blaine?"

He looked up again.

"Open it, read it… and listen it, will you?" Rachel kept her smile on her face, "Goodnight." She walked out the room. Blaine waited until the shadow was hidden by the closing door. He looked back to the letter. His breathe was short, his heart had never run as fast as right now.

He put the letter aside and closed his eyes.

_And I said I know it well  
I know it well  
And I said I know it well  
I know it well  
And I said I know it well  
I know it well_


	8. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

The next day Blaine walked around Lima without a clue, he didn't know where he was heading to, but it didn't concern him. As long as he was walking, he would do fine.

How could something so small hold up so many memories? Lima is such a small place, but at every concern of the streets, there were the memories. Those memories with Kurt spending time chatting in Lima Bean Café, those memories with Kurt holding hands on the street and those memories with Kurt sitting on the bench at the park… They were there waiting to be unraveled so every picture and voice could sneak out to Blaine and own his mind and his body so to create pain that Blaine could only greatly accept it.

He thought it was not going to be hurting so much. The fact was, it hurt so much when everyone, who had walked passes you, had moved on with their lives while you were still stuck at the same point. It hurt to think when the world might have forgotten the existence of their love, the days where two of them were smiling, kissing and promising. Ever since the day when it was only Blaine, he felt the day went quicker, people moved on faster with he still trying to understand what it really meant. He wanted it all back, he wanted everything back. He wasn't brave enough to tell or admit, but he knew it – he had not moved on yet. Blaine Anderson had not moved on from Kurt Hummel yet. Eleven years, that was what Blaine was holding. In these eleven years, Blaine was trying to hold on to his life, accepting the fact he was a doctor now, and maybe one day… maybe one day, there would be a guy like Kurt appeared in his day… a guy like Kurt who could be with him like the way Kurt did. Maybe one day Kurt would come back.

Last night was a shock. Eleven years after Blaine had a letter from Kurt, with his handwriting on Blaine wasn't sure what he was going to do next with it. He still hadn't read the letter yet. Blaine was not ready. He didn't know how to prepare himself. Reading the letter was sending another death sentence to his Kurt, he could not take this.

It was a Sunday. The streets were filled with families chatting, friends hanging out, lovers dating and people like him, walking around Lima with no purpose. Blaine noticed shops around him had changed. The place where was passing now was used to be a music shop, and now it had turned into a boutique. To the very end of the street, just around the corner with the small parking lot, it was Lima Bean, where a place Blaine would never forget. He walked down to the parking lot, wishing Lima Bean was still there. And it was. He walked into the café and bought himself a medium drip. It was the same old coffee and the same old seat. He looked across the window and remembered how he used to watch the people in the parking lot when he was waiting for Kurt to come. Now it wasn't the same anymore. There was no one for Blaine to wait. The time was long gone.

"Blaine Warbler."

People called it a small world because it was. When Blaine heard his name got called he turned his head around, only he found a tall man who was holding a coffee, standing in front of his table waiting for Blaine to invite him to sit.

"Sebastian Smythe." Blaine called. He gave him a hesitated smile, not knowing if this was a good time to social with Sebastian. He watched Sebastian sitting down and smirking, why didn't Blaine find it surprising? He ignored it and looked back to the window.

"You're back, I didn't know." It was still the same attitude for Sebastian, playful and smirky.

"Well yeah, now you know." Blaine couldn't help to show his unwelcoming face as he spoke. From what he knew about Sebastian, Blaine couldn't trust him even though it was long time ago. Plus he got the same smirk, which made Blaine even more conscious about the existence of Sebastian.

"Oh come on, don't tell me you're still mad at me." Sebastian chuckled and had a zip of his coffee. When he put his coffee cup down on the table, he stared at Blaine.

"I barely know you." Blaine stared back, said coldly.

"Ouch." That was all Sebastian saying. Blaine was expecting more to come from him, but it was silence that took over.

A couple just outside the parking lot had caught Blaine's eyes. He watched them as they were chasing each other, or racing. The girl ran to the car first, looking satisfied and shouted to his boyfriend. Blaine guessed the girl was shouting I win to her boyfriend. The next thing Blaine saw the girl got into the driver's seat. Blaine smiled.

Sebastian was watching Blaine for the whole time with his eyes squeezed. When Blaine had finally taken his first zip of his medium drip, Sebastian asked, "How're you, Blaine Warbler?"

"Can't be better."

"You are obviously a fool." Sebastian stated right after Blaine had finished saying.

"Excused me?" Blaine frown, he looked at Sebastian, who was still smirking. Had his face ever ended up with seizure because of his smirks? Blaine thought.

"You're fooling yourself, and you're trying to fool everybody else. You may fool yourself, but I have the perfect sixth sense." He leaned back. This time he did not smirk and stared, he was simply looking at his coffee cup and playing with it.

Blaine had no energy to think what the words meant since his eyes were wide opened last night, "Whatever you say, Sebastian." he said. But he gave it a second thought. Had him been too irrational? They hadn't seen each other almost after high school graduation. _Maybe at least I should be nicer to him_.

"What're you doing here?" asked Blaine.

"Shouldn't I be asking you the same thing? I was sitting here before." Sebastian laughed. He pointed Blaine his bag, which was on the floor resting against the foot of the table. Blaine's eyes followed and indeed he found a bag under the table. As he remembered Sebastian was not wearing any bag, he suddenly felt embarrassed about how he stole someone's seat and yet, had been acting awfully to him like a teenager. He could feel his face burning, "I- I'm really sorry."

Somehow Blaine panicked, Sebastian watched him and thought it was quite a cute reaction, "Don't worry." He paused, but then he immediately spoke again, "I've seen you on a newspaper. Saving a girl with only half brain, and writing music for cancer fundraising. It's pretty amazing."

"Thank you." Blaine smile, though Sebastian could tell it was rather uncomfortable.

"In fact, I have the CDs at home." Sebastian smirked.

Blaine widened his eyes, _what did he just say? _"Wow… Sebastian… wow, I really wasn't expecting that from you, but thank you, it really meant a lot." It was true, even though it was Sebastian who he was talking to. Knowing people buy the music for the fundraising was one of the best things that Blaine felt he had done in his life. He was truly being thankful.

"Huh, a thank you from Blaine, I should have recorded it." Sebastian joked.

Blaine shook his head and laughed. Unexpectedly, the conversation between him and Sebastian was relaxing him.

"How come you're here? Shouldn't you suppose to be in places like Paris?" he asked.

"I was." Sebastian answered, "but I came back for my boyfriend." He had another zip of his coffee, and then he showed Blaine his ring finger, "I'm engaged."

"You're engaged?" Blaine echoed in shock. Sebastian was engaged? How did that happen? He thought people like Sebastian would stay in Scandal, the gay bar forever in his life.

"Don't act so surprise," he laughed, "We went to Paris for a trip and dropped by New York, and I proposed there."

"Wait, you –"Blaine hadn't finished but Sebastian continued, "We're moving to New York soon, found a job, found an apartment. Everything's pretty settled in." Sebastian shrugged.

Blaine almost believed Sebastian was lying; it was just unbelievable to hear he was going to marry someone "Wow, congratulation."

Sebastian simply smiled, "What about you? Got yourself a boyfriend?" he asked.

Blaine looked away, didn't want to start off this topic. He thought about it for a second and in the end up he replied, "No."

Sebastian gave it a small laugh, "Not surprised. But you're wasting your time, and I'm sure that's not what Kurt wanted to see –"he was cut off when Blaine suddenly stormed at him, "Oh and now you're telling me you know what Kurt thinks and how I should live?"

Sebastian looked at Blaine who had anger written all over his face. He stopped talking, thinking that would wiser to do. The awkwardness had finally taken over the conversation once again. Blaine had found himself in an extremely uncomfortable place where Sebastian couldn't stop looking at him and he had nothing to say anymore. He looked away to the window again, spotted a very tall man that looked young and strong was walking toward Lima Bean.

"My boyfriend's here." Sebastian said, as he also spotted the man.

Blaine looked at that young man again, he asked, "He's your boyfriend?"

Sebastian didn't answer. He took his side bag and his coffee with him, before he headed off he told Blaine, "Think about what I've just said Blaine Anderson."

Blaine watched Sebastian walked out Lima Bean and met his boyfriend with a big smile that Blaine had never seen before on his face. He turned his head back as he thought again what Sebastian had just told him. For the first time, Sebastian called him by his last name instead of Warbler. It might be just something Sebastian did all the time. He didn't give it a serious thought. Blaine somehow felt confused and better at the same time, maybe it was the caffeine. He had a zip of his coffee again before he headed off to somewhere again.

On the street walking Blaine realized the weather turned cooler, he looked up to the sky and decided to go back to the motel. As he was walking back, he couldn't help to reload the picture of him and Sebastian sitting together just then with what he said. What did he mean by saying wasting the time? He had filled his life with his job and his friends, which in many ways, Blaine actually felt satisfied and happy about it. Finding a new love interest was another thing, he thought to himself, _am I really wasting my time?_ He sighed. He started to think if taking a month off was the wise thing to do because he was starting to regret this.

How could he move on when his life here and in New York was pretty much due to Kurt? How could he suppose to move on when his love for Kurt still hadn't died? Why would everyone tell to move on when he wasn't ready to?

Blaine let his body go, he let his memory led him back to the motel. He was too tired to think a question that could not be answered.

When he just arrived at the motel, it started to rain so heavy. Everyone on the street was running into the stores. Blaine stared at the raindrops for a while. He stood there and decided not to move, he didn't mind he would be soaking wet. Some people who passed by with an umbrella or running looked at Blaine as he was some kind of weird guy, but Blaine let them stare. The smell of the rain was like wet dirt mixing with fresh air, reminded him of a date with Kurt. He gasped as the cold rain hit on his body.

Blaine couldn't figure out if he was crying as heavy as the rain was.

The only thing he knew was that it hurt.

_It really did hurt._


	9. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

"You're _insane_!" Kurt shouted as he watched Blaine ran out to the rain.

It was already dark when they arrived back to Dalton. Kurt insisted he could drive but Blaine said two hours drive really wasn't anything. Kurt had his tongue tipped out like a kid and teased how Blaine used GPS to find his place. On their way back to Dalton was fun, even though the rain was falling so heavily when they were on highway, Blaine still felt this was the best driving he'd ever had.

The rain was even heavier when Blaine parked his car at Dalton parking lot. Kurt sighed and regretted how he didn't listen to his dad when his dad told him to bring an umbrella. Blaine shrugged. Either they got wet, or either they got stuck in the car, so Blaine opened the door and ran out to the rain.

Kurt watched him as Blaine was crazy. The dorm was two minutes away and Kurt knew they were going to get wet, but Blaine was running around the block like he actually wanted to get soaking wet.

"You know I'll just leave you here and go back to my dorm, right?" Kurt shouted loudly as if Blaine had run too far away that he wouldn't hear.

Blaine stopped at where he was, "Oh really? Then how come I got two dorm keys?" He shouted back showing Kurt the dorm keys and sent a big grin to Kurt.

Kurt immediately checked his pocket. He panicked at the moment when he couldn't find his dorm key. He looked at Blaine unbelievably. When did he get a chance to take the dorm key from him? Kurt opened the other side of the door and chased Blaine, "Give me back my dorm key you Blaine Anderson!" he shouted.

Blaine laughed and ran away from Kurt, "Sure! If you can come and get me!"

The clothes were wet and sticky. They stuck at Kurt's body and it was the most uncomfortable feeling in the world for him, but now that he was already wet, he was determined to get his dorm back from Blaine. He ran as fast as he could to Blaine and Blaine did a few quick sudden turn so Kurt couldn't catch him. They were drenched with rain and happiness that they forgot how slippery the ground could be sometimes. Blaine almost slipped on the ground before Kurt eventually caught him.

"Are you okay?" Kurt laughed and asked. The hold was firm and warm. Under the cold rain Blaine could still feel the warmth from Kurt's body. The rain made their clothes wet and seemed to turn the thick layers of clothes thin. Thin enough for them to feel each other's body like they were naked. Kurt blushed and stood there for a while, but he reminded himself he wasn't there to show mercy, so he quickly took his dorm key and Blaine's dorm key and ran away. When Blaine realized the warmth was missing, Kurt was already half way to their dorm. He cursed his shorter legs and chased after Kurt. He was glad that even though Kurt had longer legs, but he was a better runner than Kurt. He wrapped his arms around Kurt and stopped him.

They both laughed.

They forgot they were in the rain or it was already ten at night which curfew would start soon. They forgot someone might have already fallen asleep or there might be on-campus teachers around. They didn't mind waking up the whole campus. They were simply happy because it was just two of them here now having fun.

"I won!" Blaine laughed and gave Kurt an _I-am-the-champion_ look. Kurt ignored him, he wanted to tease Blaine back, but a voice stopped him.

"What do you think you two are doing?" the voice sounded strict. Blaine and Kurt let go of each other and turned around to see who it was in a horror.

Dalton had this policy that students couldn't date at school with anyone. Although it was said to be strictly obeyed, most of the teachers secretly allow students to date, unless the principal was around. Yet, Dalton was such a traditional school that there were still some teachers against students dating while they were in high school, so when Blaine and Kurt heard the voice they were panicked, scaring if they would be punished or forced to separated.

The figure came closer; it was definitely a female judging by the voice of it. When they could finally she was, they were relieved.

It was Dr. Bailey, the on-campus doctor, or known as the nicest and the most beautiful teacher at Dalton.

The young lady smiled. She was still wearing her white coat and normal work wear. She was holding a big umbrella and hinted the two to come under the umbrella. Blaine and Kurt thanked her but didn't speak. Dr. Bailey broke off the silence when they were in the dorm building finally, "I am not gonna look after you two if you two get sick. Too much work for me." She joked.

"But I thought you were the doctor?" Blaine asked and laughed. Blaine felt completely relieved when he found out it was Dar. Bailey, but Kurt felt differently – or at least this was what Blaine thought. When Blaine turned around to see Kurt, he saw the same expression. It was not obviously but Blaine saw it. It was the same expression when Blaine asked Kurt about his future and Kurt would make a second of sad face. Blaine didn't understand what triggered the expression, or the fear in Kurt. He was worried as well. He didn't know what was going on and he was eager to know. Blaine needed to know if there was something wrong with Kurt so at least he could be there with him if he couldn't solve it for Kurt.

"I am a school doctor, which means I will still get paid even though nobody is sick." She stated. She smiled at Blaine and looked at Kurt. Blaine watched the smile on Dr. Bailey faded.

"Okay, now, go back to your room and have a shower." She ordered.

They went up stairs to their room. Dr. Bailey said she needed to make sure Blaine would go back to his room without sneaking out and messing around so she followed Blaine. Blaine wasn't sure why that was the case although it was him who started running in the rain. Maybe Dr. Bailey spotted them since the moment they arrived, maybe she was just guessing. Blaine didn't give a second thought. He closed his room door and headed for a hot shower.

When Dr. Bailey ensured Blaine was in his room already, she walk down stairs back to Kurt's floor. She knocked at the door. The door was opened a second after with Kurt smiling on his face. He thought it was Blaine. As soon as he realized it was Dr. Bailey, his smile was gone.

"Go and have a shower, then come to my office. You and I need to talk." She told Kurt and left.

Kurt closed the door and hung around. He was scared and didn't know what was going to happen, but he could imagine. The only thing he was glad about was that he and Blaine had a fun and wet night, and his roommate, Nick, was still not here yet.

He took a long, hot shower so he could avoid the talking the best he could. When he got out, Nick was already there. He asked Kurt where he was going. Kurt said vaguely that he left his phone at somewhere and left the room in a rush.

Nick was convinced, until he saw something shiny.

He walked to Kurt's bed and saw his phone. He shook his head and planned to laugh at Kurt when he came back. But he thought about how late it was now, so he left the room to find Kurt. He couldn't see Kurt at anywhere but he heard a door was closed. He followed the sound as he thought Kurt might be there. He was confused when saw the sign of Dr. Bailey on the door.

When Nick was going to walk away, he heard Kurt's voice. Kurt was talking. He was in there, but _why?_ Suddenly there was a guilty but thrilled feeling inside him. He stuck his ears on the door as close as he could. And now he finally heard the conversation clearly.

"Do you know how dangerous could that be?" the smile that Dr. Bailey had just a few moments ago was gone. Now she was angry, but still managed to keep her voice calm.

Kurt had his head down. He knew it. He knew what he was doing, but he couldn't care less.

"Do you know you could die just from that rain?" she continued.

Nick frown when he heard the word 'die', or did he just misheard the word?

"I'm sorry." Kurt apologized. He didn't know if he was apologizing to Dr. Bailey or to himself though.

"Don't apologize to me. Apologize to your dad, to yourself. This is your body, Kurt. You need to take care of it. You don't want your dad to regret his choice for you, do you?" Dr. Bailey walked around the desk and sat next to Kurt.

Her voice softened, "Yes, your heart condition is getting worse, but you know you're still young, there's still a hope for you. Don't you give up now." She held Kurt's hand. Now she was not Dr. Bailey anymore, she was now speaking as Kurt's friend.

Kurt always felt lucky when he got to know Dr. Bailey. He was lucky to have Dr. Bailey as a doctor and as a friend.

He weakly beamed, "I know. I'm so sorry, I – I don't really know what I'm doing… I… I guess I was just tired of this, tired of everything that I just… I just want to live like everybody else." He argued.

Nick couldn't bear to hear more. Surely it was nothing about finding a phone. He heard something he shouldn't have known, and most importantly he didn't how he would face Kurt anymore as soon as when Kurt walked out of Dr. Bailey's office. So he rushed back to his room and his mind sank on the way. _What will happen to Kurt next?_ He thought. He put Kurt's phone back on the bed and sat on his bed. It wasn't too long when Kurt came back with his eyes puffy and red from crying. Nick pretended he didn't notice and faked a yawn, "I'm tired. I'm going to sleep now."

"Yea, me too." Kurt replied quietly.

The room was dark after Kurt had turned off the light. Nick knew Kurt wasn't looking at him but he felt strange facing Kurt's side. The feeling was like back to a week ago when the first night Kurt came, the feeling of sleeping with a strange in the same room. Nick shifted his body so he could face the wall instead.

It felt different with Kurt knowing that everyone had their own secret on their back.

His eyes were open.

This was why secret was meant to keep as a secret.

* * *

"You're _insane_." The young man with dark brown hair stated. His face showed the boredom to the bigger young man sitting opposite to him in a bar. The blue eyes on his were almost grey, just as dull as he felt right now. The conversation between him and the bigger boy was so meaningless that made him questioned why he was here at the first place. But considering a free drink at Scandal and a pool of attractive hot guys dancing, maybe it was worth it.

He kept his eyes on the shirtless guy in the middle of the dance pool, smirking at the perfect body shape. He couldn't wait when the conversation was over. The music was loud and upbeat, his body was following the beat. He got moves to show the shirtless guy, but it was tragic that he was stuck with his friend asking for a help.

"So tell me what goods can I get from that?" He asked without looking at the bigger boy. The shirtless guy finally noticed his stare, the guy smirked back.

"I can get the boy I want, and you can have the other boy. He's your type." The bigger man said. He looked rather concern compared to other customers in the pub. He was definitely not at Scandal for fun.

"My reputation at Dalton could be finished if people found out, plus I already got countless of hot guys I can hook up with, why would I help you, Karofsky?" Now he finally turned back to look at his friend, Karofsky.

Karofsky breathed deeply as he didn't think it would be that hard to convince his friend to hook up with some random guy. Wasn't that what he did usually?

"You just need to hook up with that Dalton guy and I will handle the rest of it." He said.

The brown hair boy smirked again, "Tell me what the boy's name is."

"Kurt Hummel."

"No, no, no, not the guy you like you dumbass. I'm not interested in whatever gay face you're interested in. I want the other boy's name." His gaze went back to dance pool, only that the shirtless guy was already gone. He couldn't believe he had missed the opportunity because of this stupid conversation, so he started to become impatient. But when Karofsky showed him a picture, the young man almost froze.

"Well, I don't know his name, but this is the picture I found on your school website." Karofsky gave his friend the picture.

"You want me to hook up with _Blaine Anderson_? _The Blaine Anderson_?" The young man looked surprised, which was totally new to Karofsky.

"Well yea, whatever that guy's called. So, Sebastian?" he asked.

Sebastian Smythe smirked, his eyes were admiring the boy in the picture that made him forgot about the shirtless guy. It didn't matter anymore now even though the shirtless guy was gone. This was the first time he felt something new and exciting may happen in his life. He kept the photo into his pocket and looked up to his friend.

Now let the game began.


	10. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

January had never been this cold before.

Kurt shivered under the layers of blankets. He dragged the blankets as much as he could to wrap around himself, but it didn't help at all. He forces his sleepy eyes to open and checked on the time.

It was quarter to seven in the morning. The morning light had just found its way in but Kurt couldn't bother to do his morning routine because his whole body was sore and in pain. His head felt like a stone, it felt like a stone in boiling water but yet as numb as a status. He looked across and saw Nick sleeping on his bed on the other side of the room. The blanket was kicked to the floor and he was slightly snoring. He was lucky that Nick didn't say anything yesterday night. As he turned his gaze back to the ceiling, he could feel the world spinning in a circle, shaking the gravity upside down. Kurt tried his best to ignore this feeling, but nothing helped at all, he was going to throw up.

The first thing popped out in his mind was Blaine. He missed Blaine. It was just a night, but everything felt so long ago. His conversations with Dr. Bailey and Nick were such a blur that Kurt couldn't believe it just happen last night.

Lying on the bed still was like lying on a boat that was drifted away by the angry storm waves from the ocean, he was alone and scared. He wanted Blaine to be right here.

But when did he become so dependent on someone?

Since the day he stepped in Dalton, Kurt had relied so much on Blaine without noticing. He really, really felt for Blaine. He felt for Blaine's past that he was bullied even worse than him, but he also felt happy for Blaine that he finally found his little heaven here and unraveled his beautiful talent. Even though they only met each other for a short time Kurt felt if Blaine had been his entire life. Maybe it was because his days in Lima were so unpleasant and dreadful, escaped from a place where he couldn't be himself might have let Blaine redefined who he was.

Kurt Hummel was now a happier man who lived in a joy that made him forgot his darker side.

Kurt suddenly felt he was the most selfish man in the world.

He had to be.

What made him deserve Blaine really? He was lying to a person that loved him so much, how could he just hold his secret like it didn't matter at all?

Kurt Hummel was dying.

Kurt wanted Blaine, but he didn't want Blaine to be with him. Kurt felt guilty, he felt guilty as if his love for Blaine was just entirely a selfish act. He needed this love to get through his messed up life, but what would happen next? What would happen after he left Blaine alone then?

The one and only wish Kurt Hummel had – to live like everybody else, was perhaps the hardest thing ever. He had been chasing the long and endless pavement for so long. Not because he didn't realize, but he didn't want to know that he was just another foolish man who had been chasing its tail. He was just too scared to figure out the pavement he had been chasing after was just another illusion in his life.

"Blaine…" teardrops on his cheeks, Kurt felt like a whiny kid asking for his parents.

He had been sicker before, he had been in an even worse place before but he had been fine. But the moment he woke up today the world was a stranger, colder and scarier place. Kurt couldn't think of anything, all he wanted was Blaine. Why wasn't Blaine here? Why did he feel like his heart had been ripped?

"Blaine?" As he opened his eyes again he saw a figure standing next to his bed, he wanted to ask Blaine to lie down next to him but his mouth was dry and his voice wouldn't make a sound. He echoed Blaine's name in his mind as he watched the world turned black.

* * *

_Don't panic._

Nick was shaking, telling himself not to panic.

_Okay, fine, panic. This isn't working. What should I do?_

Kurt was having a fever, his temperature was way too hot for Nick to hold, but Kurt probably thought he was Blaine. Now he was stuck on Kurt's bed, trying to get up but Kurt was grabbing his arm. He looked at Kurt, feeling a bit uncomfortable as he never watched Kurt this close.

He must be really sick.

Today was a strange day where he wasn't awoke by his annoying alarm clock but rather a weak voice echoing in this room. He wasn't fully awake yet but he recognized it was Kurt's voice. When he walked to Kurt's bedside he could see the pale face, lips moving, probably asking for Blaine. His first instinct was to put his hand on Kurt's forehead and he was right. Kurt was burning and sweating. As he tried to get some help, Kurt's hand weakly grabbed his arm before Nick could even take a step. As now he was stuck on the bed with Kurt, he was trying to make his head straight – was he going to find Blaine or going to Dr. Bailey first?

"Blaine… please… please stays with me…" Kurt cried.

Nick swallowed, "Kurt… ugh… I'll be back really soon." He used the opportunity when Kurt had let go of Nick's hand.

In his plain vest and sweatpants he ran across the chilly hall and up to Blaine's floor. He gave three impatient knocks on the door and shouted Blaine's name. Kurt was sick and asked for him, he needed to hurry, also because he was cold as hell too.

"What Nick?" the sleepy head opened the door. His curls were everywhere without gel, but Nick couldn't care how funny Blaine look like. He needed to drag Blaine _right now_.

"Kurt's got fever and he's asking for you." said Nick.

A few seconds after Blaine finally processed the words in his head, he ran off as fast as he could with Nick following behind. They rushed through the staircases and got into Kurt's room.

The words hit him like a train. How silly of him? How silly? Why did he pick to run under a rain in January? Why didn't he pick a better romantic plan? Now that Kurt was sick and that was his fault.

"Kurt!" Blaine almost shouted as he saw the pale boy lying on his bed, mumbling his name.

"I'm here, Kurt." Blaine sat down on the bed and held Kurt's hand tight. Still catching up his breath he landed a kiss on Kurt's hand and placed his hand on Kurt's forehead.

Kurt was burning up with fever.

"Blaine…" Kurt slowly opened his eyes, he gave Blaine a weak smile, "I miss you." He whispered.

"I'm here, I'm here. How are you feeling now?" it was a stupid question to ask. Blaine knew Kurt must've been feeling really sick but he needed to know how bad Kurt felt. To watch the person you loved suffer was the worst you could imagine. Blaine felt as someone was trying to stick a spear into his heart, or thousands of arrows shooting to his way. He wished he could be the one who's sick; he wished to be the one who's suffering, because watching Kurt under pain knowing it was because of him, Blaine felt like he was the worst boyfriend ever.

Kurt frown, his breath was short and rushed. He squeezed Blaine's hand hard as he tried to answer. He wanted to tell Blaine so many things; he wanted to say sorry to Blaine and he didn't want to be a burden, but his voice wouldn't go anywhere louder than a whisper, "can't breathe… Blaine…"

"Nick? Please go and get Dr. Bailey now." His eyes fixed on Kurt, "You'll be fine." He comforted.

"I'm going now." Nick quickly put on his uniform and ran off to Dr Bailey's office.

How much does Blaine know about Kurt's condition? Did he know Kurt may be dying or did he know just as little as he does? The conversation of Kurt and Dr. Bailey came up again in his head. Nick didn't expect things went down this quick. Was that just flu or was that from Kurt's condition? Knowing Kurt might die just horrified him, without even bother to knock on the door and wait for response; he opened the door and saw Dr. Bailey dressed in the doctor coat doing some paper works already. She looked startled as she saw Nick. Before she could ask anything Nick said loudly, "Dr. Bailey we need you now. Kurt is sick."

* * *

They watched as Dr. Bailey finally came out of the room.

"Is he going to be okay?" Blaine asked nervously.

"It's flu but he will be fine. Don't worry too much, okay?" Dr. Bailey answered as closed the door. She looked at Blaine who desperately wanted to go in "I will write you two a note in a second. It is class time now but you need to have your breakfast first. I don't need another fainted student."

"No, I want to stay with Kurt. He needs me." Blaine argued. He wouldn't concentrate in class anyway knowing Kurt was sick. Blaine couldn't leave without blaming his fault.

"Kurt needs rest." Dr. Bailey said calmly, "and you two need to go to class after you get dressed." She left Blaine no choice but to leave. One was because it was true; they needed to go to class. Second it was because she was worried about Kurt.

Blaine stood there still, he didn't want to go. It was his entire fault and he needed to make it up for Kurt, but Dr. Bailey sent an eye to Nick. Nick nodded and pulled Blaine to his room.

Nick sighed. He pulled Blaine to the staircases quickly so they could get something to eat before the cafeteria is closed, even though both of them knew they wouldn't have the appetite to eat. What a morning.

"I can walk myself." Blaine stated.

Nick let Blaine go. "Okay."

They didn't talk. Nick watched Blaine slowly walking to his room. Blaine was cold; he didn't get to dress before he could run to Kurt. He wanted to get back to Kurt, he wanted to tell him he was so deeply sorry, but another part of him knew he needed to be the stronger one because Kurt would be fine.

Blaine opened his door and said to Nick, "I will be quick."

Nick stood there waiting. His mind was just as messy as Blaine. All his thoughts were tangled up, his head couldn't stop playing back Kurt's pale face. Nick had never been in this kind of situation and he would never want to. His stomach did a flip when he saw Blaine stepped out.

Nick hesitated. They walked down stairs to the cafeteria. It was empty but it was still open, Nick took this opportunity, "Blaine," he asked, "what happened last night?"

Blaine didn't look at Nick but he replied quietly, "I made him ran in the rain last night. It was stupid."

Nick didn't know what to say next. As they sat down, he offered he would get them some food.

_It has to be the worst Monday morning. _Nick thought. What should he do? Should he ask Blaine about Kurt's condition? He asked the cafeteria staff and they told him there were only toasts left. He nodded and took the toasts. On his way back he walked slowly on purpose so he could have some time to think.

"Here you are." He put down the plates with toasts, "um, only toasts left, not even jam or butter."

Blaine didn't touch the toast but he played with it, Nick wanted to tell him to eat but this whole thing wasn't really his business. The whole room was in silence until Nick decided to break it off, "Blaine, do you know abo –"

"Hey you guys are here! I've been looking for you Blaine." A tall Dalton student walked toward to them.

Blaine and Nick turned their head to where the voice came from, "Sebastian?" Blaine asked.

"Well, we're doing a pretty important assignment in our AP chemistry class today. Mr. Long asked me to look for you." Sebastian smiled.

Blaine turned his attention back to the table, he sighed, "Tell him I couldn't attend the class today. I will talk to him later."

"What happened?" he asked in serious tone as he sat down with them, but it was Nick who answered instead, "His boyfriend is sick."

"Oh I'm really sorry, Blaine." Sebastian paused, "Hey but look, I bet Dr. Bailey won't let you go back to dorm. Let's get your mind distracted just for a while, okay? I'm sure if anything happens they'll let you go." Sebastian smiled again and took a piece of toast, "but you need to eat your toast on your way though."

Blaine didn't answer back. He stood up and apologized to Nick, "I'm sorry Nick."

Nick weakly beamed, "Don't worry, that's what bros for." He gave Blaine a bro fist and they smiled. Blaine then left the cafeteria with Sebastian, leaving Nick alone there.

As they were gone, Nick bumped against his chair.

_Damn you Sebastian._

Now Nick didn't know if he could ask that question again anymore.

The cafeteria was cold and empty; Nick looked around and decided to leave. Maybe even leave the truth behind as well, if that would do him any good.

January had never been this cold before.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

"Oh my dear god, Blaine! What happened? Why are you all wet?" Rachel reached out to Blaine, who apparently had been wandering under the rain for a while. He was just sitting there, outside of Rachel's apartment door, god knows what he was doing but she knew he needed some help. There was no way Rachel would leave Blaine alone like this to deal with whatever the problem was.

"It was me, Rachel." Blaine said with his head down, "It was me..." His vision was blurring as his eyes were watery. He tried to hide the tears but when Rachel had touched his shoulder, it was like a trigger, his tears ran down on his cheeks. Blaine had no energy to stop it anymore. He sobbed over Rachel's shoulder like a baby. It was frightening to know what he was doing. All sorts of emotions that he had been going through lately made him feel as if eleven years ago, where things were so uncertain and with every single step that was the fear of losing his love.

Rachel didn't answer but nodded, the first thing was to get Blaine inside of her apartment first. She pulled Blaine up and put his arm on her shoulder, "Come on, let's get you dry."

As calm as she sounded, she was panicking inside. She had never seen Blaine like this, not at all, and what did he mean it was him? She called out her partner and told him to grab some take away for dinner so she could talk to Blaine alone. She let Blaine sat on the couch while she was getting towel to dry him. When she walked back in the living area, Blaine had already stopped crying. He was just sitting there, looking somewhere over the window blankly as if he had lost his soul on his way here. Rachel sighed and started to dry his hair.

Neither of them spoke but Rachel needed an answer, yet she didn't want to push Blaine too far. He was already so broken than ever, and with little clue of why Rachel bit her bottom lip before she said anything. She took it back at the end; instead, she gave Blaine a set of clothes from her partner and asked him to change. Blaine thanked her and walked into the bathroom.

_What've just happened?_

Rachel Berry never liked rainy day. All the wet and cold were the things that used to drive her crazy, but today it wasn't just the rain. It was almost like the rain had washed away all the energy and smiley faces in this world. She had never seen this world so grey.

She waited Blaine to come out so they could talk, Blaine took his time and it was way too long. Rachel started to worry, she knocked on the door but there wasn't any response. She knocked again, impatiently. At the time when she was almost going to use the key to unlock the door, Blaine opened it and walked out. The swollen eyes looked down; Rachel knew he wasn't ready to talk.

After her partner came back with bags of Chinese food, she set the table and tried to keep the normal conversation between them. Blaine might look miserable but he wasn't going to act like a child. He knew he shouldn't show up like this to interpret someone's life, but he needed someone to be with him, and all he could think of is Rachel.

Rachel's partner was not happy about how Blaine just showed up like this but he wasn't irritated by it. He heard about Blaine's story from Rachel before and he felt sorry too. When they finally got some time alone, he hugged Rachel from the back and whispered on her neck, "Can't we just do it? We can keep it down."

Rachel turned to her partner, "No, I really need to talk to Blaine. I need to know what's going on."

She leaned a kiss on him, "And I will make it up to you." She whispered back. Her partner smiled and nodded as he watched Rachel closed the door.

It was long night for the three of them, but as little as Rachel knew it could be _that_ long.

* * *

When Blaine couldn't find Kurt he was scared as hell.

He walked in his fastest speed that he could to the dorm building, but Kurt wasn't there and so wasn't Dr. Bailey. Blaine had searched the entire building but there was no sign of Kurt. He even went to the library and asked everyone in there but no one had seen Kurt.

His stomach did a funny flip.

It was the same feeling when he was at the car park with his friend after the Sadle Hawkins dance.

Blaine didn't know if that feeling would ever go away.

At the end it was Blaine's body that stopped him. He was getting tired running around and the Warblers needed him for the rehearsal. He slowed down his pace and head toward to the choir room but his head planning what he could do and where he could go to find Kurt.

"Sorry I'm late." He apologized as he walked in.

Wes came up to him, "Blaine I heard Kurt is sick. I hope he is doing ok."

Blaine avoided the eye contact as he didn't know if Kurt is doing okay or not either, "I couldn't find him or Dr. Bailey… This is just flu isn't it? Nothing to worry, right?" he felt frustrated. Blaine wanted to know, he wanted to know, but he just didn't know what was happening. He was Kurt Hummel's boyfriend, but he didn't feel if he was in Kurt Hummel's world. He tried not to freak out, but the lonely feeling controlled him.

Wes saw his worry, "Maybe they just gone to get some description. I'm sure he is alright." He assured.

"Yea, maybe that's the case." Blaine echoed. He looked across the room and saw the Warblers separated into groups to practice their parts. His hand ran through his heavily gelled hair and sighed, how was he supposed to get through the day without knowing Kurt was alright?

"But first thing first," Thad said, "I heard you two are together now." David completed the sentence for Thad. Suddenly Blaine was surrounded by the three who were giving him the eyebrow. He shook his head.

Blaine Anderson was worried, but he felt lucky, too. Blaine Anderson felt lucky having good friends around him, even though they were forcing him to spill out every single detail of him and Kurt. At the end he laughed. He laughed because for a moment he could forget his concern under a beautiful day.

When the door was open it brought the chill wind in, and it brought the surprise.

"Sebastian?" Blaine questioned. He turned his body around so to face Sebastian who was smiling to him.

Wes, Thad and David turned back to their seats and pounded the gavel to get the attention, "Warblers, I introduce you our newest addition, Sebastian Symthe!" With the whole room burst with the applause, Sebastian walked into the room and stopped at the council table.

It had been a while since the latest member joined the Warblers as Blaine remembered. A few days after he knew Kurt, Blaine tried to convince the boy to join them because he knew Kurt got a good voice, but for some reasons Kurt kept telling Blaine he couldn't sing. Sometimes he would drop by to watch them rehearsal but he never sang, so it was exciting for the Warblers to have a new member as the group was getting smaller after the graduation last year. Besides, sectional was finally coming soon, with one more people you could change a lot of things around.

Blaine found himself smiling toward Sebastian, who also smiled back to him, as a welcoming.

"And in our oldest tradition for our newest Warbler, an actual warbler, Sebastian, meet Pavarotti." Thad handed Sebastian the warbler and Wes continued, "This bird is a member of an unbroken line of canaries who have been at Dalton since 1891. It's your job to take care of him, so he can live to carry on the Warbler legacy. Protect him, that bird is your voice."

"Thank you, I will take a good care of him." Said Sebastian, who put back the cage on the table as he looked back to the councils, waiting for Wes to speak, "And with another tradition, Sebastian, it's all yours." Wes said and nodded.

He turned around and picked up a guitar from nowhere that Blaine didn't even know there was a guitar in the choir room. The eyes of the Warblers followed him as Sebastian settled down on a couch. He started to play a few simple chords, "I don't play guitar really well but," he paused but his hand kept playing, with his gaze turning to Blaine, "I hope you enjoy."

_Take it off  
I wanna love ya_

Blaine felt the intensity. Sebastian was looking right into Blaine's eyes.

The noise and excitement in the room when the Warblers worked out Sebastian was going to sing one of their favouriate songs but Blaine was just standing there quietly watching.

_And everybody  
Wanna touch ya_

_You move it right_  
_Wanna see what's up under_

_You back it up, beep beep like a trucker_

_Nice thighs, nice waist, and you know I can't forget about your face  
But don't none of that matter  
I'm about to make your pocket fatter_

_Girl I just wanna see you strip, right now  
Cause it's late, babe  
Girl I just wanna see you strip  
Girl, take your time with it  
Girl I just wanna see you strip_

With the song reaching the chorus, the Warblers went crazy as if there was actually a girl stripping in front of them. Blaine admitted that this was so far the best performance performed among the new Warblers, but he couldn't relax and seat back to enjoy. He watched Sebastian finishing off the song with a smooth end and they clapped.

"Wow, Sebastian, surprise, surprise." Thad clapped, approving Sebastian's singing.

People crowded him to shake his hand and welcome him. The rehearsal went well with a great start. When it was finally the time to dismiss, Blaine was rushing to the door, but then he felt a hand grabbed arm gently. He turned, Sebastian was smirking.

"So, did you enjoy the performance?" he asked.

Blaine forced a smile, "It was great, Sebastian. Great voice, too."

Sebastian approached closer to Blaine, he looked down, "Well, looking into your eyes definitely helped." The words whispered into Blaine's ears. With that, he left Blaine who stood there, not quite sure what he was trying to tell.

Before he completely disappeared from Blaine's sight, Sebastian winked at him.

Only if he found on the other side of the room Nick had his arms crossed looking at them.

* * *

"I don't understand." Rachel frowned; she crossed her arms and leaned back. For the past hour Rachel had her ears listening to Blaine telling her the story of him and Kurt, but she was still awaiting an answer from Blaine. What exactly did he mean it was him?

Blaine sighed, "I was just as confused as you are now." He explained.

The two of them were in their car in the middle of the night at the parking lot. Blaine was holding a cup of coffee, the coffee was already cold but he still hadn't taken a zip of it at all.

"So what happened next?" she asked.

The street light was weak, Rachel could barely see Blaine's face in the car but judging from the sound of it there was a strong hesitation that Blaine was struggling to tell, yet, she waited patiently.

The moment was silent, the street was empty, and so as the world.

"Things went quickly after that, but when Kurt finally came back," Blaine stopped. He could feel the whole damn world was just waiting for him to tell the story. His voice cracked when he continued.

"he wasn't Kurt anymore."


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Chapter Eleven**

In the darkness Blaine had his eyes opened, his sight fixed on the light cover on the ceiling, even though it was still too dark to see its detail, his eyes had been opened long enough for him to adjust the sight. Blaine could feel his mouth dry, cracked lips and dry skin, but it was still early to get up. He found himself that this almost became his routine, everyday in the morning counting the number of time that David had snored in his dream, feeling the lack of water in his body and waiting for his phone to buzz. Soon enough it did. The screen was lightened and the phone started to vibrate. Blaine caught just in time before it started to ring. Every morning, the exact same second he would do the same thing. He simply pressed the button and locked the screen. He hated it. He hated the morning in the winter because the room was still dark, dark enough to believe it was at night. But he hated this moment the most because he was waiting for the same thing at the same thing over and over again. The phone rang, but it was never the person he expected.

Blaine quietly skipped through the mess on the floor like he was doing a funny dance when he tried to make it to the bathroom, but he swore to god that it was awfully painful when he kicked something hard on the floor that made him swore.

"_Damn you, Anderson!_" David muttered. With his half consciousness he grabbed something on his bed and threw it to Blaine's direction. His sleepy and his jelly arm that lacked of energy didn't help him to hit the target, Blaine easily avoided the shirt that David threw and made it to the bathroom. With his head rest against the soft pillow, David found his way back to his sweet dream without a struggle, when Blaine finally came out he was already back to the snoring again.

Blaine had no intention to wake David up. It was just six in the morning.

Again, he tiptoed back to his bed, this time he made it without hitting or kicking anything. He quickly changed into his shirt and his track pants and grabbed his jacket. He zipped his jacket all the way up and opened the door heading outside to the gym room.

It was cold and wet, the night before it was raining heavily, but Blaine could tell how many raindrops that hit their window glass. He was wide awake, his mind tangled up into one big mess ball rolling around in his head keeping him from sleeping. Blaine had never tried to stay awake all night long before but this week he could be an expert on it. This new experience had taught quite a few new things he had never noticed – the possums that had been digging or living or whatever they were doing on the roof all summer long were gone, probably due to the cold wind at night in the winter on the roof with hardly anything to shelter. David didn't snore all night long; he snored at certain time after he fell asleep. Blaine thought of the opposite but he figured out when David did snore he was still pretty sensitive to the surrounding, human instinct he guessed. But none of the things mattered. His phone was still laying on the nightstand so quietly every night. Sometimes he would reach to get his phone and check in case he missed any texts or calls, but there was nothing, nothing at all. Sometimes he dialed the number, but he could only hear the repeating machine sound until it was cut. The other person on the other side of the phone never picked it up, so Blaine Anderson started to panic, he started to doubt. It felt like as if the whole last week was just a dream, a sweet dream that felt too real. He found himself in front of the gym door, but it was locked, of course. Who would get up six in the morning to exercise?

Blaine decided he would jog around the blocks. Two days more, just two days more after he could get into his car and drive his way to Lima, to find his love one. His breaths were getting shorter and faster, the cold air was tough to breathe in at first but slowly Blaine found his rhythm. He jogged in a steady pace. Then he heard a sound, a sound that just… just sounded exactly like him running, like there was another Blaine Anderson running around the school. He slowed down and turned his head to see if there was anyone around. He spotted a guy, a tall and slim guy wearing only a vest and pants running just about a block away. The school was in such a silence for him to notice the sound that the runners touched and rubbed against the concrete ground.

The figure moved closer.

The boy was a brunette with fair skin and tall body. His hair looked gelled already but it looked natural at the same time. Blaine's heart stopped when he stopped running, the figure just almost looked like Kurt.

_It's Kurt, isn't it? It's Kurt._

But just a second after Blaine regretted that he looked back and stopped. It wasn't Kurt, it was someone else. It was all an illusion.

"Blaine." The boy finally got up to where Blaine was. He slowed down his pace and stopped in front of Blaine. The brunette who Blaine thought it was Kurt looked surprised to find Blaine here, he said, "Didn't know you're a morning person." He smiled and tried to catch his breath.

"I usually head down to the gym room." Blaine answered. Maybe he was just missing Kurt too much, because finally he got the closer look of the brunette, he had nothing like Kurt.

"Oh, I see. I have never seen you here running. You should run more than going to the gym, I could really use some company in the morning." The boy joked. He looked at Blaine, who currently tried his hardest not to show the sadness in his eyes, he continued, "Still nothing from Kurt?"

Blaine looked away.

They walked in silence for a few seconds before Blaine opened his mouth again, "No." he whispered.

"I'm hundred percent sure that Kurt is getting rest while his family probably took his phone away, knowing you guys may be texting or calling all day long," again, Blaine found Sebastian was trying to cheer him up, "so Kurt can get a good rest. I have the perfect sixth sense, so don't argue with me here." The brunette smirked. He put his hand on Blaine's back and gently gave him a soft stroke, "I'm sure he's alright." He comforted.

"Thanks, Sebastian." Blaine weakly smiled back to the brunette before they both started to jog again.

The morning was something new to Blaine after almost a week of sleepless nights. He learnt things about the past of Sebastian living in Paris, which was unbelievable and made Blaine jealous in so many levels. Blaine also learnt that Sebastian had won a few singing competitions and only learnt how to play guitar at the end of last year. Sebastian was different. Sebastian was somehow different but so blended in so well like everyone else, too. The morning was great with somebody there with him, telling him the experience that Blaine would probably never experience in his life. He wasn't sure if Sebastian was just a good story teller or if his life in Paris was exactly what he said, but he enjoyed listening to it anyway.

When Blaine reached to his dorm room finally, he felt his heart was beating in a new rhythm. It was fast, not crazily fast, but he felt alive again. The nature light of sun rising made its way to the staircase inside the dorm building. Blaine looked at the view of the other side of the school campus. The air was foggy but the sky was lighter and the air smelled fresher. Blaine smiled. Maybe it was because the run, maybe it was because his worry about Kurt, maybe it was because Sebastian's comfort. He couldn't tell which one is which, but two more days was what it took. Suddenly everything seemed so simple. Two days. Two days after Blaine would tell Kurt how much he missed him and how much he wanted land his lips on Kurt's. But before that he just needed to keep himself on the right track.

He beamed.

Blaine Anderson turned the doorknob as if he was opening a whole new chapter.

* * *

Nick stopped at the corner.

The hallway was, at usual, filled with whole bunch of students walking down back to their dorms. Some are up to their co-curriculum activities and some are up to have fun. It was Thursday after school, the only two days where the Warblers didn't have their rehearsal on, Nick found himself stalking behind a pair of boys.

He shook off the idea of him following his friends, it was odd and clearly wasn't his intention. He just wanted to check out Blaine and that was all he wanted to do, but when did Blaine get so close with the new guy? His curiosity led him to move closer the pair and hid behind a corner. Nick's head leaned out to see the boys who were standing in front of the lockers, chatting about things that he couldn't hear. The hallway was full of noises, people shouting and talking, footsteps padding and squelching, and with eyes staring and looking, Nick looked around to see if he could find a better spot.

There was one which would look much more normal for him stand but also easy to be spotted. He quickly made his move next to a row of lockers. Nick was tall, but gladly the locker row was taller. He tried not look suspicious by having books in his hand and kept checking his watch like he was waiting for someone to come. Now with the closer place he could overhear the conversation.

"It's such a shame." Blaine said.

"Well, but then I won't be here, with you." Sebastian laughed.

Sebastian's height had blocked out Blaine entirely, but it was a relief to hear Blaine was happy for the first time in this week finally. Everybody was worrying about him, they didn't how to comfort. And even when they did, it seemed Blaine wouldn't listen.

Nick was supposed to be happy for Blaine, he was supposed to leave the two now since he knew Blaine was okay but he couldn't. Who was exactly this Sebastian guy anyway? Why did Sebastian care so much about Blaine? Nick knew they were in the same AP chemistry class but they never talked before, why all in a sudden Sebastian was acting like Blaine's best friend? Maybe the only to find out was to keep following. Nick was concentrating on the conversation that sounded absolutely normal when Thad approached, "Who are you hiding from?" he whispered and looked serious. Thad scanned around the hallway to see the possible subject.

"What the fuck, Thad!" Nick shouted, his hand hit the locker hard, "You scared the hell out of me." Nick closed his eyes and his hand on his chest to calm. He let go of a big sigh. He totally forgot about what he was doing.

People walking pass gave Nick a weird look, but most importantly the pair had finally noticed the existence of Nick. Blaine leaned and Sebastian turned to see what happened, only that they found Nick who was red-faced, looked startled combined with anger all over his face.

Nick was annoyed, "I was just… waiting someone." He tried to cover up his stalking behaviour.

"Who?" Thad kept asking.

The pair was just so close to them and yet Thad hadn't quite understood the situation. People didn't brag about Thad when they said Thad was not a sharp kid. Nick's eyes widened to hope Thad got the message, but before Thad could even sense the problem Blaine was already in front of them.

"Hey Nick, didn't you know you were just standing here." Blaine smiled in suspicion.

"Oh hey! I didn't you were here either. I was just… um –"Nick would be embarrassed to death if Blaine found out what he was doing, and now Sebastian was here too, great.

"Waiting." Thad finished the sentence.

"Hello guys." Sebastian walked and joined the group. He sensed the awkwardness in this atmosphere, but the fact was he knew what was going on right at the moment Nick decided to follow them. He let him do it. Sebastian did a smirky face in his head; this game was just too easy to play.

"Hi." Nick replied, his eyes glanced at Sebastian and moved on.

"Well, Blaine I will just be at my locker when you're done. Nice to talk to you guys too." He tried to be as mannered as possible. Leaving a good but natural impression was the most important element in this game. With Blaine nodded, he left.

"That's not very welcoming." Blaine looked to Nick, who seemed to got an opinion on Sebastian.

"I didn't mean to, I was just a bit empty I think." Nick explained. But Blaine got it right. He didn't like this Sebastian guy, "I'm sorry. Anyway, aren't you going back to… him?" Nick had a pause before referring Sebastian as him. Blaine watched the expression.

"Oh yes. I will see you in the cafeteria then?" Blaine asked, sure Blaine knew Nick wasn't just waiting for someone, but he was with Sebastian and Nick looked like the discomforting moment when he figured out he was all naked underneath all the clothing he was wearing. Blaine didn't ask further, he said hi to Thad and rejoined Sebastian.

Nick turned back and make a phew sound. Thad was still there standing, "So who were you waiting ?" he asked.

Nick rolled his eyes and walked away.

"Um.. okay?" Thad said to himself, not quite sure what just happened.

The hallway was just as crowded as ten minutes before, but they departed to different directions. The spots they left empty were once again filled with students walking pass.


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Chapter Twelve**

Blaine Anderson looked over to the window.

He watched as the storm took over the empty streets, raindrops crushed on the concrete floor. This was not how he wanted to spend his weekend. He was supposed to be on his way to Lima, looking for his missing mysterious boyfriend, Kurt. Blaine could hear the wind was howling out his name, blaming him for not having the courage to confront his father so he could visit Kurt.

Blaine sat on the windowsill and rested his head against the window. The glass was cold and hard, he was alone by himself in the chill living room thinking how warm it could be now if he was in Kurt's arms. He wrapped his legs and sighed, he wished the storm didn't come or came earlier the day, at least he would be at Lima right now. Blaine closed his eyes and imagined Kurt's face. He really needed Kurt to be around him. The last thing on Earth he wanted to be was here, his home.

"Blaine?" A female voice called out from the kitchen. Blaine didn't move. He pretended he didn't hear it at all. His brain was not ready to process anything other than Kurt.

"Blaine?" This time the voice was louder and harsher. Blaine turned to look to the kitchen direction, "What mother?" he shouted.

"Come over here, now!" The voice was firm. Blaine couldn't pretend anymore and finally moved away from the windowsill and walked to the kitchen.

Blaine walked through the corridor that was with all the certificates hung on the wall. At the end of the corridor was one and only family photo framed and hung. Blaine didn't know what it was this time, but at least they still had one photo that they were looking happy. Taken before Blaine came out of the closet, the photo was the only thing that made him feel home. As Blaine walked quickly to the kitchen, the wooden floor made an old squeaky sound. This house was aged, big and empty. His grandfather left this house to his father before he died and asked him to keep it. The owner of this house now, which was Blaine's father, was never home unless he needed a meal or two. Sometimes he would come home drunk from their victory party, and he would point at Blaine and told him what a loser Blaine was. It was nothing unusual.

"What?" Blaine stood at the kitchen door and saw his mother was standing next to the sink washing, her eyes hinting to his father.

Blaine let go of his sigh. The man was with strips of white hair but his hair was perfectly gelled back. He was sitting at the dining table reading newspaper. As Blaine walked to him, he looked up.

"Father?" Blaine asked.

"Cooper and I are going to office later, to get him be familiar with the office work." His father stated.

"Okay." Blaine turned away.

His father watched Blaine turned away. He readjusted his newspaper and started to read again, "You are coming as well." He affirmed.

"Wait what? No!" Blaine's voice was raised higher because of anger. How many times did he tell his father today once the storm stopped he would go to Lima and visit Kurt? He ignored what his father told him and walked back to the living area.

"Blaine Devon Anderson!" his father from the back shouted.

With the loud shout mixed the sound of thunders, his mother, who looked terrified, had stopped washing. The sound of water dripping slowly from the tap suddenly filled in the dining area. Blaine stopped by the door. He closed his eyes and sighed, what a morning to start with. His father here, again, being mad at him. Blaine would do everything to reason with him, but his father was a lawyer. Lawyer would not reason, a lawyer would find your weak point and break you into half. The breathing sound of his own was heavy and the air was still, he felt lousy. For a moment he couldn't remember why he was here standing and fighting against his father. His fist clenching, one more moment he would have lost himself there. Blaine simply turned around to his father and said coldly, "I told you I'm going to Lima today and I don't think it's up to you." With that, he took his first step out of the dining area, but then he paused.

It was a sound of metal hitting another metal. This time Blaine turned around, only saw his car key holding by his father fingers. He did not ask or speak but he walked away thumping upstairs. This time he did not wait until his father spilt the ugly words to him. This time he chose to walk away, just like he did before. Sometimes it was just easier that way.

"You're not going to visit that boy in Lima!" Blaine didn't walk back to the kitchen or talk back, "Blaine Devon Anderson do you hear me?" he just walked away, leaving the shouting behind his back.

Blaine slammed his door close and hoped the shouting and thumping wouldn't disturb his brother from his study. Because unlike him, his brother Cooper who was actually straight, had a girlfriend, was an outstanding students from the beginning to the end and was happy to take over his father's business. Blaine, on the other hand, who never seemed so bright under his father's eyes, was into all the 'girly' stuff and he was actually gay. Comparing himself to Cooper, he could understand where all those hates came from.

A knock on the door but Blaine ignored it.

"Blaine? Are you okay?" over the other side of the door there was Copper, knocking on the door and asking.

"Blaine? Are you okay?" Cooper repeated his question.

No.

No, he was not okay.

Blaine didn't hate his brother, he wouldn't in any ways. Despite the sexual orientation, his brother was who he wanted to be. When he was younger he looked up to Cooper, only later on he found out himself was much different from his brother. Cooper didn't have short curls but he did; Cooper was a hard-working student but Blaine had the passion in singing. It was himself who he hated the most in this house. He always felt so dirty under the roof of Anderson's. Blaine couldn't shake off the feeling that he was wasting his life already; the Anderson could have a second son who was much like Cooper, who would be smart like Cooper and who could help out the family business like Cooper would. It went all wrong.

The knocking continued and Blaine shouted to the door, "Just leave me alone!"

Cooper finally stopped knocking and Blaine heard the sound of the footsteps was getting away. He collapsed onto his bed and cried into the pillow.

He felt weak, so weak. Kurt was nowhere to be seen, his father disapproved him and here he was crying into his pillow feeling frustrated and abandoned by the world. He felt the weakest man in the world was right here, right here in this body. He was trapped in this body without an exit to escape. Blaine could try to figure any other ways to go to Lima, but he couldn't get out of here. It seemed there was no solution at all.

"Blaine?"

Blaine sat up and saw the door was half opened with Cooper standing behind it.

"Can I come in?" Cooper asked.

Blaine didn't answer. He turned around so Cooper couldn't see him wiping the tears.

Cooper walked in and closed the door "I heard the shouting."

"Well yeah." Blaine shrugged, pretending nothing had really happened.

"Look – "

"Look," Blaine interpreted Cooper, "I know what you're going to say so save it. I don't wanna be mad at you as well."

There was a short silence before Cooper asked, "Do you really care about him?"

Blaine stood up and slowly with his hand ran through his hair. Does he? Was that even a question? He felt he would give up the whole world for Kurt.

"I do. I really care about him, I – "Blaine paused. He didn't realize the tears were coming out again, "Cooper, I see the old me inside of him. I want to help him out, I want to be with him."

"Or you just want to help yourself to get through what you ran away before." Cooper looked at Blaine and stated.

Cooper waited Blaine for reply, but Blaine turned away from him.

"If you really care about him, then you should find your way to there." And he left.

With his car key taken and with this weather, what Cooper had said seems to be a tall order. His feet grounded in his father's land, he felt like he was a bird trapped in a cage just like Pavarotti.

Pavarotti.

_Pavarotti!_

Blaine smiled as the idea came out, he grabbed his bag and waited until his father and Cooper went out. He watched the car drove out from the garage, and as the car disappeared on the road Blaine quickly sneaked out of the house.

Pavarotti.

* * *

Blaine reached out to the door bell where he pressed the same button just earlier the month. But unlike last time with excitement and joy, Blaine found himself sweating under the cold rain in February, and his heart was beating so impatiently like it was trying to jump out of his body. He felt robbed, robbed by the person he loved who lived behind this wooden door. It was two different worlds. The inside was warm and sweet, comfortable and felt a lot more like home. The outside was rough and cold, your feet couldn't touch the ground and the rain crushed you down. The inside was the world where Blaine wanted to be, to be included, to know everything and to know exactly what happened.

He pressed the button hard and only released when he heard the door bell rang. No words could describe this strange intense feeling. He turned around to look where Sebastian was.

The cold raindrops on the car window didn't let Blaine to see the image of the person inside the car clearly, but he could see Sebastian was there in the car smiling faintly back to him. Then the car was driven away.

"Kiddo!" A familiar voice came out from the front door, Blaine could remember this voice. He turned around and there the man was standing, Burt. Nothing has changed really but Burt was rather looked tired. The dark circles under his eyes were obvious and Blaine just couldn't help but notice a tiny bit of surprise.

"Hi, Mr. Hummel." As Blaine greeted he forced a smile. To be polite, at least, even if he had lived under the mystery of worrisome for a week, he reminded himself.

Blaine could hear the sound of cheering from the basketball game that was broadcasting on the television. Maybe Kurt was inside sitting on the couch, he could be reading a Vogue magazine or so. Just five more footsteps he would see Kurt finally.

He held his breath and walked in further. He had prepared himself, or maybe not so ready, because he was shaking like a leaf. But shaking leaf would eventually fall, like the lyrics, in a free fall you would realize you would be better off when you hit the ground. Kurt was not there.

Blaine let go of a gasp.

Burt closed the front door and walked straight to the kitchen, busied himself with a cup of tea, "Make yourself at home." said Burt.

Blaine just sat down on the couch for a second and he saw Burt coming with two cups of tea, "Was that your friend, the boy in the car?" he asked.

"Yes. He drove me here, actually." replied Blaine, taking the cup of tea.

Burt walked further into the kitchen area, "Under this weather? Must be a good friend of yours then."

Blaine smiled but didn't reply. To cut the long story short, he should say yes, but he didn't feel like Sebastian was really his friend. Not like Wes, David or Thad, but Sebastian had been there for him since Kurt was away, so wasn't like Sebastian was a total stranger. Blaine would sort this out later, he had to find out what happened to Kurt today. He had to ask, but before he could he sensed a strange tone at the end of Burt's words. And before he could figure out why Burt spoke again, giving him no time to understand, "Kurt is upstair."

Blaine opened his mouth slightly to wait for more information from Burt to come.

"He's… look, I don't really know what happened between you two," he looked at Blaine, "Kurt is not very… stable." Blaine could see Burt's adam apple moved down and up, he turned his gaze back to Burt quickly. Burt stood up, "But I'm gald you're here."

Blaine swallowed, didn't know what to say. He stood up, too, wanting to say thank you, but once again, Burt slipped into the seconds and took the opportunity.

"I will be in the garage if you two need me."

Blaine nodded and watched Burt went to the garage. When the door was closed, he looked up to the top of the staircase. He knew what he needed to do, only that every steps seemed to be so heavy. Suddenly breathing at the right rhythm was the hardest task in the world and walking slowly was the most painful job to accomplish. Blaine would rush to the room, but… the truth that was laid right there…

The door wasn't closed when Blaine reached to Kurt's room, within the tiny gap he could see the light coming through. He gently knocked at the door, but there wasn't any response.

"Kurt?" Blaine waited.

"Kurt?" he repeated.

No response. So Blaine pushed the softly, and just next to the door he saw Kurt sleeping peacefully on his bed.

Blaine could hear his own breathing, rapid and heavy.

Here he was, here Kurt sleeping so peacefully. Blaine didn't make a sound, he didn't even make a move. He was just there, standing, scaring any sound would wake Kurt up. He watched Kurt closely as his chest rose up and down under the layer of comforter.

The storm was still raging outside.

The sky was still raining madly.

But Kurt… was here, right in Blaine's eyesight. One look, the dark clouds that had been following Blaine were gone far away. Throwing the question he needed to ask behind his back, this moment was far the best moment he had this week.

The shouting, the crying, the hating… they were all gone.

He quietly walked to the window and closed the blind. As he turned around, he saw a figure sitting up on the bed, rubbing the forehead.

"Blaine?"


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Chapter Thirteen**

When Blaine was busying himself at the kitchen the storm had finally stopped after a morning of outrage. The sun had come out but it was still freezing cold outside, yet, it couldn't compare to the coldness that he felt from the person who he opposites to. Kurt was sitting on the bar chair facing his back to the kitchen. Without looking at his face, Blaine could tell Kurt was hiding something. The movement of how his shoulder moved, how quickly he was breathing in and out, there was a difference from usual and a secret that Kurt was trying very hard to pierce it into his skin. Blaine kept his eyes on Kurt's back while he poured the boiling water from the kettle, and on the count of three, he would sound as bright as he could like he knew nothing was wrong. But if there was…

"Blaine," Kurt turned so he could be face to face with Blaine, "I think we should talk." he looked to Blaine who had stopped reaching to the tea box.

"I thought we were." Blaine managed to make a sound of laughing that was so unfamiliar and different from his own. He paused, but then he took the tea bags out from the box, "Sorry, I supposed you put the tea bag first." and he took the cups to the bench. He watched Kurt took the cup so nervously and wished they could say nothing but just hug and hush.

"Blaine, I - "

"No, me first." Blaine said firmly. He stepped out from the kitchen and sat on the bar chair next to Kurt. He looked into Kurt's eyes, "There's something you need to know about me… and there's a lot that we have to learn about each other," he laughed gently, "but you see… I really, really do care about you, and it doesn't matter how you've been or what you've done… we might be young, but - " he swallowed with the wet eyes, "This week… this week had been so terrifying for me, scaring that you might have been very ill or for other reasons, that I might have lost you. But you, Kurt," he paused, he held tightly to Kurt's hand that had been resting so quietly since the start, "you made me think about things that I don't think and do the things that I don't do. You don't know, Kurt… you made me feel so guilty and ashamed but so delighted and brave at the same time…" he touched the rosy cheekbone, "I just wish you will tell what happened."

Kurt was as still as how Blaine felt the time was, but Blaine could see the fear was just as strong as it was before hidden in the gorgeous big eyes. Maybe at the end he would get the answer, so he waited, and waited, but the answer that he expected didn't come. A few hours later they were out on the street, heading their way to the park they last visited. On the way it was quiet. Blaine didn't push Kurt to say further, but Kurt looked like as if he wasn't going to hold on anymore. When they passed by the Lima Bean to get coffee, Kurt's arm stopped Blaine from pushing the glass door. His eyes with tears and his hand slightly shaking, Blaine was just standing, and watching Kurt's lips finally made his first word.

At first he thought he made a mistake, he thought he heard it wrong, but the words were so clear and loud. There was no mistake to it. Blaine didn't hear him wrong, Kurt was indeed telling him a brutal truth. A truth that explained everything that was strong enough to tear his heart apart.

"I should go." Kurt turned away from Blaine, but Blaine stopped him, "I don't… I don't understand! Why are you doing this?"

"I told you, I moved on." he swayed his arm away from Blaine, who was still confused about everything, "Let me go." he said.

The words were just as cold as the chilly winter; every sound of it was a sharp knife cutting through Blaine's body. He felt like a broken doll, as he was nothing but a dust in this world. His life was a story that skipped through the plot and jumped to the end. It was over, _over_. Kurt was gone. No, he was gone. He was kicked out from Kurt's world. If there was anything that could reverse the time he would do it, but he was just holding his boyfriend, soon his ex-boyfriend's arm tight, no sound was spoken out, no words were taken in. But no, he wasn't going to let him go. He promised himself that he would never ever let Kurt went away in his world, and even that meant they would only stay friends.

"No! No, I can't… I…" he begged. Blaine couldn't think of a better word that would tell his feeling right now, he looked him into his eyes and he was immediately lost in the blue soul. Some people paused to search the source of shouting and some whispered "fags" into their ears. He pulled Kurt into his arms and pressed his lips so badly onto Kurt's. He didn't care if people would talk, he just wanted to make Kurt his. The kiss was compulsive, soft and he could feel the warmth from Kurt's mouth. He didn't care if Kurt was struggling against him, his hands were glued to his cheeks pressing so hard. Blaine didn't know if he was hurting him but right at this moment he just wished the kiss would melt everything away. The moment he finally broke away the kiss he tasted a hint of blood, Blaine didn't even realised Kurt was biting his lips so hard that his lower lip was bleeding. He noticed Kurt's were red and swollen, his eyes were red and filled with tears. The silence between them made everything else so clear. Blaine could hear the chattering around them, but none of the people were around them. Some stood far to talk, some passed by with disgusted face. He watched the people and he looked to Kurt, who was still recovering from the kiss, breathing heavily that it seemed there was no air left in this planet. When he was eventually breathing normally, Blaine tried to figure why.

"Tell me." he said, "just tell me why."

Kurt took a step back, "There isn't any reason, I moved on. That's all."

"Without any reason why?" Blaine took a step forward.

"No reason at all." Kurt said coldly, "I'm sorry." and with that, he left the brokenhearted one alone on the street with cruel eyes.

* * *

"Oh come on! It's not like the end of the world." Sebastian laughed. He didn't plan to have any sympathy to Blaine's situation, instead, he looked rather cheerful, "Well, taken that you've been a good friend of mine, I should totally take this chance and take you to Scandal." He quickly looked to Blaine and back to the road, "It's a wonderful gay bar." he added.

But Blaine didn't speak a word; he wasn't excited at all to care about this gay bar, and how could he anyway? He was just looking aimlessly to the reflection on the car window, so Sebastian carried on, "Just forget about him for the moment, we deserved to have a great night tonight." he grinned.

Blaine felt he should reject the idea, but Sebastian was right, he needed to forget about what happened today. The alcohol could help; a lot of alcohol could help him.

"Come on Blaine! If you still feeling like going to chase after that boy, then go ahead, but let's just have a crazy night to cheer you up and get you ready for tomorrow!" Sebastian persuaded.

"I -"

"If you don't say yes I'll probably keep asking until we crush the car in front of us." Sebastian joked as he looked to Blaine instead of the road. Blaine was surprised by his reaction after hearing the sound of joy from himself. Imagine being with his friend, Wes, what a dead silence they would fall into? Without a word of sympathy, Sebastian was somehow just cheering him up in a way that nobody does. Maybe it was not the solution for the problem, but it was what he needed the most now. Blaine gave the idea another laugh.

"I suppose you agree?" asked Sebastian.

Blaine looked at the front road, "I guess."

"It will be a fun night." he quickly looked back to Blaine, who seemed to be less unhappy than before.

On the way to the bar the urge of alcohol needs were getting even more intense, Blaine found himself rushed off from the car to the bar entrance without hesitation while Sebastian walked into the bar like he owned the place. They sat on the bar side and ordered their drinks. Sebastian suggested a special cocktail that Blaine had never heard before, but he didn't care, as any alcohol would do as long as they could numb his mind. Sitting back on the bar chair he watched Sebastian flirted and danced with a few older guys on the dance floor. But he wasn't alone at all, a few guys came and bought him drinks. There was one guy that called Robert who was the chef with funny tricks to show, and there was another one called Oliver who was currently a university student. All of them had good-looking face and hot body, yet, Blaine wasn't stupid to know they just wanted to drink and chat with him. They all wanted the same thing - a good sex. With the last guy who came to Blaine, he jumped of from the seat excitedly and walked towards to Sebastian's way. He squeezed himself to the spare space next to Sebastian as he followed the music that was hitting loud.

"YOU HAVING FUN?" Sebastian shouted to Blaine. With the music so loud Blaine could barely hear anything other than the music, "IT'S THE BEST CLUB EVER!"

The light's colour was changing and the alcohol in their bodies was working up to their brains. Everything seemed to be spinning around for Blaine; suddenly the world was full of happiness that he didn't even notice Sebastian's hands were on his waist. He didn't care, he didn't care if all his body parts were rubbing with someone else, this moment he felt relieved, problem solved. He knew the problem would still be right in front of him tomorrow, but who could tell him that there would be a tomorrow to care? The drinks, the talks, the dance and the music, he was just trying to live in the moment.

Shortly Blaine felt the heat inside of his body, he couldn't help to make contacts with Sebastian's body. He didn't know what the situation was, but with the height difference, Blaine was breathing on his neck and his jaw could feel Sebastian's collarbone. Things happened so fast that the next second Blaine realised they were in somewhere else. Somewhere without loud music or weird changing lights, in the room it was just two of them. Blaine felt hotter and hotter when every second passed, he stripped his shirt but still it didn't help much. Making it worse, he felt a body, someone's chest touching with every inch of his skin. Blaine wanted the sensation to be gone, somehow he could also feel the rush of blood in his crotch. He needed it, he wanted it and he was going to do it. Without any instruction Blaine unbuttoned Sebastian's jeans while his was already been taken off. Their bodies stuck together and Sebastian was rubbing their thighs hard that it made Blaine tasted the burning sensation. He asked for more and Sebastian did exactly what he asked.

"Mmm… oh god, Sebastian!" Blaine groaned. His stretched out for more, and when he finally he felt something hard right at his entrance, he hesitated, "Stop!"

"I know you want it." Sebastian whispered into his ears. The hot steam made chills and goose bumps on Blaine's body that he couldn't resist. It was the moment he felt great. he felt needed, and it didn't matter the reason why, he just wanted this happen now, "Tell me how much you want it."

"I want you be inside me so badly." They were moaning and sweating, and suddenly he felt burned. He closed his eyes while Sebastian was rocking hard as it was hurting so much, it wasn't as nice as thought it would be. Sebastian was rough, but then things got so blurred at the end and Blaine couldn't remember a bit. At the end it felt it was the best of the night but it wasn't, waking up with guilt and disgust, that's what Blaine found himself into.

"Everyone has their past." Rachel claimed as she took the coffee from the counter to the café table.

"You don't need to make me to feel better. I did the wrong thing." Blaine sighed as he finally returned from his memory.

"But don't you think it's the time to forgive yourself?" She sat back.

"No… I don't know how to…" Blaine said hopelessly. He couldn't, he just couldn't do it. Although he knew Kurt had forgiven him long time ago, he could still remember the face he saw that night, "He was the rose in the darkness."

"Blaine…"

"He knew it." he grabbed his hair, "He knew that I had…" it was still a sore spot to say that word, "cheated on him, but I was the one who argued with him, who yelled at him and spoke non-senses… and that face…" He looked to Rachel who was listening very carefully and watching Blaine with those sorrowful eyes, "I could never forget his face. Never."


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Chapter Fourteen**

It had been weeks since Kurt had broken up with Blaine, and Blaine found himself struggling everyday to make himself looked like he was just fine. They said love is blind, and Blaine damn sure believed it. First love was like paradise, it gave him a feeling that he cannot describe with words and only you would know it when you experienced it. When a relationship came to a dead end, Blaine thought his world would collapse right in front of him but that wasn't true. The world did not collapse; in fact, the world did not even change a single bit for him. He wasn't sure if this was better or watching his world tore apart. In either way, nothing had changed the fact that he was constantly sleeping with Sebastian to get rid of the tiny hint of love he still had for Kurt. Mostly he felt ashamed and guilty when he was reminded with every small detail about the picture of him and Sebastian lying on the same bed, doing the thing he would never thought to happen.

Something had changed, indeed, but it wasn't the world, it was him.

There was no excuse for Blaine to walk away from the disaster that he created and made himself into, and besides, not that he knew how to walk away from it. Sebastian was a demanding young man. Every time when Blaine tried to withdraw himself from the situation, Sebastian would somehow keep pushing him down to the infinite black hole. He was smart; he knew how to play the game. Blaine had no other idea on how to detach himself from Sebastian. He seemed to know the breaking point of Blaine's and used it as a rope to tie him real tight. It was like magic, a magic that would make him felt temporarily better but once it was done, he felt like he was used, that he had just keep on falling and falling into many other black holes, night after night. Sebastian was the medication that Blaine had got into the addiction, exactly like cocaine.

Even though he was no longer Kurt's boyfriend, but he was still so much in love with him that he felt he had cheated on Kurt. His first love... his first broken heart. No one ever told him what to do. If Blaine knew it, he wouldn't listen to Sebastian at all that night. He would never have gone to Scandal and he would never sleep with Sebastian either. While lives were about making choices, Blaine chose a very bad one and he understood that. He would not blame karma at all. He was grateful enough that he could still see Kurt sometimes on the far end down the hallway at school.

It was just a week ago that Kurt had come back to school. At first Blaine thought Kurt wasn't going to come back at all, but at the end Kurt was back. Of course, he did not hope that Kurt would talk to him. All he wished was to be able to see him. There was one day where Kurt was just so close to him, so close that Blaine could hear Kurt talking to Nick. He had a quick second of thought to make a small talk to Nick so he could stand closer to Kurt. But it had been very weird with Nick lately as well. Ever since the broke up, Nick was distancing himself from Blaine somehow. The only reason that Blaine could think of was the rumor, the rumor that was about him and Sebastian as a 'dirty' couple.

School could indeed be a horrifying place. If you have said something not so smart, within a day the whole campus would be filled with students giggling about it, especially if someone was popular. Someone must have known he and Sebastian were sleeping together, otherwise the rumor that Blaine prayed for it to vanish everyday wouldn't exist. Days gone by and nothing had changed the rumor. It felt like someone was trying to dig out his heart whenever he thought about if Kurt had heard about it. What would Kurt think about him? A guy who was driven by the need of sex that couldn't even wait a second to get laid right after he broke up with his ex-boyfriend? The lucky thing was, his friends, apart from Nick, were still sticking to him, support him along the way. He truly appreciated the loyalty from his friends but it never made him feel any better but worse.

He felt as if he was betraying to all the people who trusted him.

At the end Kurt spotted him at the corner. He stared at Blaine without even blinking; like he was trying to send a message and Blaine supposed to receive it. His watery blue eyes melted Blaine's heart away. That feeling, almost felt like electricity had run through his body but then when Blaine came back to reality, Kurt looked as if he was disappointed with him. A moment later he was gone from Blaine's eyesight.

Every now and then Blaine would go jogging in the morning, boxing after school just to release his anger and calm himself down. It was only yesterday night when he found himself, once again, sweaty, disgustingly lying on Sebastian's bed, he finally realized that if he didn't take any action to save the relationship between him and Kurt, it would stay forever like this and he would feel as guilty as he was now for life. If he wanted to escape from the hole, he must be the one who climb the wall first. Because his instinct told that Kurt was still in love with him, and yet for some reasons the story plot turned to a wrong direction. The story hadn't ended yet, not in Blaine Anderson's version at least.

* * *

The weirdest thing that Blaine would ever be doing was probably the thing he was going to do now. He knocked on the opened door three times to get the middle-age man's attention, his French teacher, Mr. Rose. The man took off his ridiculously out fashioned glasses that was with a thin gold frame around them, and looked up to Blaine.

"Come in, Mr. Anderson." He was back to his work while he raised his voice when he mentioned Blaine's last name.

Blaine nervously walked in. He hadn't quite felt like this in a while. It was like breaking one of his mum's favorite vases when he was a kid, now he was going to confess and getting ready to be punished. Back in the beginning on the Friday French class at first week, he should have paid attention to the class because ever since then he felt as if Mr. Rose picked on him purposely for not being concentrated for just one lesson.

"Good Afternoon, Mr. Rose. Err... I was wondering if I can attend your French class on the last period?" asked Blaine who was playing, twisting his hands together. He tried to look sincere so a) hopefully his French teacher wouldn't pick on him anymore and b) he would allow him to attend an extra class every week.

"No." Mr. Rose simply answered.

Devastated, Blaine couldn't think of a word to reply, as he did not expect Mr. Rose rejected the idea so fast. Now the options were down to two, either he begged, or either he walked out. The later might be a wiser choice, but for Kurt, he begged, "Please, Mr. Rose, I really think the extra class would help me on my French grade. Please."

"I can give you a one-to-one tutorial, however, if improving your grade is what you want." He stopped from his paper works and looking very serious.

No. Hell no. A one-to-one tutorial with Mr. Rose was definitely something that Blaine wouldn't want in his entirely life ever, but if Blaine rejected it, there would be no chance for him to get closer to Kurt, since Kurt was in the this French class. The terrifying idea had tried to stop Blaine from agreeing but eventually he thought he made a sound that sounded like a yes.

"Yes, thank you, Mr. Rose." Blaine forced himself to be thankful. Seen Blaine Anderson had accepted the kind offer, Mr. Rose was back to correct his students' works. But then soon he stopped again as he found Blaine was still standing at the same place like he was waiting for another opportunity to speak.

"What else, Mr. Anderson?" Spoken with the impatient attitude, very unlike what people would normally expect a teacher to be like.

"I know you've said no but... I still think it would be better for me if I could attend the class later today." He requested.

Mr. Rose looked doubted in the first place, but then he asked anyway, "And why's that?"

"Because..." Blaine took a deep breath, "I know I'm slow learner in French... Since I have a spare at that period... I think with another extra class and your friendly offered tutorial I think it would help me and push me to do the hard work." Claimed Blaine, crossing his fingers that the excuse would pass. He looked rather scared, and as he was waiting for the answer, he examined the man sitting in front of him. In his late forty, pretty much bald already, the awful glasses that made him looked like another ten years older with a big belly squeezed inside his shirt. This lonely man who didn't have a life was one said to be quite a lady-killer. He was young and handsome, probably with many girls or women trying to surround him even after he got married, but this whole handsomeness thing had led him into a trap, a trap that he made it for himself. He fell into it and never made it back. Life could be frightening sometimes when Blaine learned about someone else's story. Blaine knew he was still young but he didn't want to be like Mr. Rose, who cheated on his wife, and his ex-wife even made quite a big scene in school long time ago. Maybe Kurt and him might not have been together as a couple for the longest time in the world, but this was the most memorable one for sure. First love, right? He didn't want things to go ugly. He just didn't want to find himself regretted about the choice he made when he looked back to his life knowing he could have done more.

"Okay, but I have one condition," interpreted Blaine's thinking, "No more extra French classes if I found out it was for another purpose. And if so, you would be having tutorial with me everyday after school. Do you understand?"

"Yes! Merci beaucoup! Mr. Rose!" Blaine smiled happily. He was nearly going to clap his hands before he realized he was still in the teacher's room. He looked at Mr. Rose, who was rather calm and felt like he was an idiot here but he didn't care.

"Sortir de ma pièce." Responded Mr. Rose in French as well.

But Blaine stood there, because he wasn't sure what Mr. Rose had just said.

Another sigh from his French teacher, "that means, get out of my room." He explained without patience, believing if Blaine had worked harder, he would have known what he had just said.

"Oh... I'm sorry." Despite it was a bit rude coming from a mouth of his teacher; Blaine quickly removed himself from the room and walked toward to his locker. Yes, he was the idiot, and no, he did not care about being stupid, because what was on his mind now, was how to fix the relationship between him and his first love. He walked down the hall and spotted Nick at his locker.

The most challenging day in his life perhaps, but Blaine was going to do it. He had decided to make the small talk with Nick finally, "What's up?"

"Not much." Nick answered. Blaine tried to work out the conversation as Nick was taking out his notebooks to his class. However, he found it just too confusing to continue. Since they were already there, Blaine gathered his courage and asked a question he wanted to ask for a long time, "Nick, look... I don't know what happened... but err... we just seem like we're no longer friends anymore." Blaine laughed nervously so he could make it as least serious as possible. On the other hand, Nick looking distanced replied, "Not after you're with Sebastian." Who said coldly and closed his locker door.

"I don't understand why you are so against Sebastian! We're not even together, okay?" Blaine fired back, but at the same time trying not to gain unwanted attention from other students around. Bewildered mixed with anger, the whole conversation became so unpleasant to endure.

A sarcastic laugh threw out by Nick instead; Blaine stood there in shock, "Whatever you say, man." And then Nick left.

Still looking for an excuse for Nick's rudeness, Blaine just couldn't believe what he had just heard from a friend he knew for so long. He just wished the day wouldn't get any worse as he watched Nick disappeared from the hall.

* * *

Dragging his exhausted mind and heavy body to walk, he looked around the classroom when he finally reached the French room. He found Kurt at his first sight. He was sitting at the front row and all the seats around him were already taken. His second sight of the class, unfortunately, it was Sebastian, someone he should have expected but he forgot about. Sebastian was in the same French class with Kurt, and the seat next to him was the only one that was empty in the class.

"Okay listen folks, we have Blaine Anderson from the other class here today. Mr. Anderson, please find your seat." Mr. Rose ordered.

Blaine obeyed and walked to the seat next to Sebastian unwillingly while the class found themselves a little time to gossip why was Blaine Anderson in their class. As soon as he sat down, Sebastian started his usual flirty mood with his usual smirk, "Hey babe."

Blaine quickly looked to Sebastian but ignored what he had said as he certainly didn't want any trouble in this class. Mr. Rose had made himself clear and Blaine got the warning. No messing around. Yet, as he was now next to Sebastian, this might just be the hardest task in the world ever that Blaine had thought.

"Why are you ignoring me, babe?" joked Sebastian.

"Okay, listen class. I have the results from your last essay test." The teacher announced.

Immediately the class with noised with chatters, some looked worried and some looked bored like they didn't care at all, but then everyone quiet down when Mr. Rose revealed the top score in the class, "Ninety, Sebastian Symthe."

Sebastian walked up to the front to get his essay back, "Ten points deducted from the inappropriate phrase you've used in the essay." Mr. Rose warned, but it never worked with Sebastian.

"Oh, I've heard a lot worse when I was in France." He said in a soft voice, like he was trying to frighten Mr. Rose and impress the class at the same time. He went back to his seat and looked incredibly arrogant. For Blaine, maybe he could start to understand why Nick disliked him that much. Sebastian could be very annoying indeed.

"Second high score," Mr. Rose continued, "Mr. Hummel, eighty-seven." He handed out the essay to Kurt. The class clapped like they were all without energy and they instantly stopped when they heard a ringtone coming out from their French teacher's pocket.

"Sorry guys, I have to get this call. Meanwhile, read chapter thirteen please." Then he walked out of the classroom until they no longer could hear what he said.

Sebastian, who had stopped flirting with Blaine for just a moment, ripped off the corner where the marks was written on the paper, and on the back Blaine saw him wrote a big five letters, "LOSER". Before realizing what Sebastian was doing, Sebastian was already walking to the front and handed the paper to Kurt's table. He walked back with a hateful laugh while Kurt was looking at the paper. Blaine was absolutely sure that Kurt was faintly shivering when he saw the word on that little ripped off paper. Suddenly this rage had caught him, "Why did you do that?" he questioned Sebastian.

"Relax, it was all a joke. Why are you so tensed?" he asked, but without letting Blaine speak, he continued, "maybe a little exercise on the bed can loosen you up a little bit babe." He whispered.

"Okay! That's it! Stop calling me babe!" he shouted out.

Bad timing.

Right after he shouted, Blaine realized how loud he was. Mr. Rose was just early enough to hear Blaine's yell after his phone call. With everyone silent in the class, he knew he was in big trouble.

A big, big trouble.

* * *

"What did we agree, Mr. Anderson?" Mr. Rose interrogated him like a criminal. Blaine couldn't find a reason to excuse himself, but it wasn't his fault. It wasn't.

"Sebastian was – "

"I don't care what Sebastian did or said, I will deal with him later. But you are the one who shouted in my class, Mr. Anderson, and I would love to hear your honesty." Demanded Mr. Rose.

"I didn't do anything! It wasn't my fault that he called me babe so many times." Blaine explained anxiously. He prayed that Mr. Rose could just let him go. He didn't mind the consequences messing with Mr. Rose, but he really couldn't miss the chance to talk to Kurt today.

"It's not entirely your fault, I know. But you're responsible for that." He stated.

Blaine couldn't feel anymore frustrated than this. Now, no extra French class but a one-to-one tutorial everyday that he really didn't need. Blaine didn't know if he would survive even for just a week. When he promised his teacher, he did not think about the words would actually came true. And Mr. Rose was right; he was responsible for the disruption in his class. Blaine had no other explanation to claim, he had to pay for his behavior.

"The tutorial will start from tomorrow here. No late arrival and no excuse, understand?"

"Yes, Mr. Rose." Blaine promised plainly.

"Also, since you disrupted my class, I want you to write eight hundred words in French on what happened back then, hand it back to me on your next French class, understand?"

"Yes."

"And if that happens again, I will have to consider to see your parents about it." The man said, "You can go now." Dismissing Blaine.

He felt horrible. He didn't know what he did wrong but it seemed the world was trying to punish him for all the bad things he had done at once. It was not fair for Sebastian to get away from this, but he could only do nothing. Tutorial, an eight- hundred-word essay in French due by tomorrow... this was the worst day of his life.

Just down the hallway, someone might eventually lifted up his mood, he found Kurt alone at the garden behind the dorm building on his way back to his room. He quickly walked up to Kurt, "Kurt."

Kurt looked to where the sound came from, but when he realized it was Blaine, he looked hurt straight away.

"I... I need to talk to you." He gripped Kurt's hands so he couldn't walk away like the last time.

"What are you doing?" Kurt sound crossed. He tried to escape from Blaine's firm grip.

"Please don't walk away from this, Kurt." He begged, "I really need to figure this whole thing out... or at least, let me explain..." He said, still holding Kurt's hands.

"There's nothing to explain. You and I broke up, so just go back to your boyfriend before he gets jealous from finding out that you're talking to me." Kurt took a step back.

"Sebastian is not my boyfriend! Kurt! Please!" he cried, "We're not what you think." He said.

Yet Blaine could tell that Kurt didn't believe what he had just said, he would never know how to make Kurt to trust him again.

"That's not what I heard."

Blaine raised his eyebrows without even realizing it because he was surprised. Firstly he thought that Kurt was avoiding him because they broke up so Kurt didn't want to see him or talk to him. But now... Blaine sensed the jealousy hidden in Kurt's voice. He was extremely confused and didn't know what to respond except the anger was coming up from his broken heart rapidly. After all of these, was Kurt playing him?

But surprise just kept coming up today for Blaine.

"I heard you two... the noise you two made... on the other night when I was walking down to my room." Kurt finally made an eye contact with Blaine; however, Blaine didn't see the man who he fell in love with. Instead, all Blaine saw was a face full of disgusted expression. Knowing that Kurt had heard them before and as Blaine detected that envy from Kurt, everything unexpectedly boiled up. Blaine didn't want to hide his feelings anymore. He didn't want to be the one who always gave up everything for Kurt. It was time to stand up and tell Kurt his feeling aloud.

"Have you thought about, Kurt, that how hard it was for me?" Blaine's eyes were red already, but he conveyed himself that he would not cry, "When you agreed to be my boyfriend, when you just disappeared for a week and when you broke up with me, have you ever thought about me? Kurt? Do you even know that... that I'm only with Sebastian is because I can project you on him? So that I can get rid of my feelings for you?"

Kurt didn't answer, or move, "You mean so much to me," Blaine continued to let it all out, "but what am I to you? I... I have my limits... and... I push myself out there to cross the limit for you! I couldn't go back home for weeks just because I risked seeing you when you were sick. But now... I'm just very exhausted that I can't do this anymore. I'm just an ordinary man... Along the way... I feel like I'm the only one who's giving off so much but you never seemed to care or notice! Was I even something to you?" he knew he had told himself not to cry in front of Kurt because that just made him weak, but tears came down and they couldn't stop. At this stage he didn't care about how weak he looked like now. He waited for the answer to come, but his gut feeling told him that it would just be exactly the same like the day when Kurt broke up with him. Was he asking too much? Was he asking too much when all he wanted to know was the reason why Kurt broke up with him?

From the first week when Kurt disappeared he exhausted himself for the relationship.

For Kurt he fought with his father.

He had been so bitter over the past few weeks.

The air was so still that it was too stuffy to even breathe. Knowing he would never get the answer he wanted, Blaine shook his head, "Nevermind, Kurt." And there he left the shuddering one behind without looking back.

* * *

Boxing just seemed like the only way Blaine could get himself into and forgot about the world. Every swing was his anger hitting on the punching bag so hard that perhaps he would then feel much better. Blaine swore he would continue punching it until the feeling was going to go away. The last punch, strong and loud, he knew he had tired himself out enough already. He checked the clock on the wall that said five past nine, which the gym was supposed to be closed by now, and looked around the emptiness. What he didn't know was that Nick was at the door watching him the whole time. When he eventually realised, Nick was picking up the gears for boxing.

"What are you doing?" Blaine asked.

"I'm doing a friend's favor." Nick put on the punching pads, "You ready?"

Blaine couldn't be more confused, he didn't follow Nick at all, "What is happening?" he asked urgently and hoped he could get an answer to all the strange things that were happening recently.

"Just do it Blaine! Hit it hard." Nick said.

Blaine didn't hesitate for a moment, he hit so hard to the pads that Nick kept taking a step back. Blaine himself had no idea what exactly was this, but Nick spoke himself clear, "Sebastian will do you no good, and just don't get any closer to him." He warned Blaine while he was taking each punch from him who was hitting the pads like they were his enemy. But then he stopped, "Do you care enough to tell me what is happening?" he begged Nick to tell him. He couldn't figure it all out by himself, maybe Nick knew; maybe Nick could tell him why.

"You want the answer, don't you? Huh?" Nick picked up the anger, "Then I will tell you." He stepped closer, "What the hell were you thinking when you slept with Sebastian?"

"And why is that bothering you?" Blaine shouted back.

"Because I thought you loved Kurt!"

Blaine took off his gears and held his forehead like it was a ton of heavy stones, "You're right, I love him..." he sat down on the floor, "but that doesn't matter now." He looked to Nick. Nick was still looking angry, said, "Of course it matters!"

This time it was Blaine who threw back another sarcastic laugh, he was going to tell Nick that Kurt broke up with him, but then he thought Nick had to know already since he was the roommate with Kurt.

"Don't you understand why Kurt broke up with you?" Nick questioned, and Blaine looked up irritated, "Then tell me! Don't just stand there and make me feel like I'm the only idiot in this world! Because I love him! Because I'm so messed up!"

The room was so quiet that Blaine could hear the heavy breathing from Nick. But because it was so empty, Blaine wasn't sure if he was prepared to know the truth.

"Kurt is sick, man. His heart is failing him." At the end Nick didn't look as angry as before. He sat down next to Blaine and sighed, "And he is not on the implant list either because his blood type is so rare and the doctor said it would be too risky to operate."

In any argument no one would ever want to know at the end that they were wrong at the first place, but Blaine really felt like he was the biggest idiot in the world. He didn't say anything or ask anything because he couldn't think, "Kurt isn't sure how long will it take for his heart to be completely out of function... I think this is why he is breaking up with you, Blaine."

Blaine felt empty, "He didn't tell you?" He never thought the answer that he wanted for so long was the answer that he would have never wished to know.

"No, I figured it out and I asked him."

At the end, it was never Kurt's fault that the story went to the wrong end; it was Blaine who was too blind to see it. Now he couldn't even be sure if he really had been the one who was sacrificing for this relationship. The only feeling he had was doubt that he wished Nick had never come and he would never figure out. The hardest part, Blaine guessed, was to actually find out he was the man who was wrong the whole time.

Blaine Anderson couldn't even say a word. He cried in Nick's shoulders and struggled to breathe as Nick was trying to comfort him.

After all, he was the man who was blind with the fine eyes.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Chapter Fifteen**

It was a few hours later from the talk he had with Blaine; Kurt found a perfect corner in the school library to hide himself from the others. Even though he was the best at pretending most of the time, he just couldn't do it today.

Seeing Blaine's meltdown and hearing the pain in his voice was killing Kurt Hummel over and over again. It was not long ago that those voices was used to be sung out by the happiest person that he had ever met, but now he can only hear the soreness behind that voice. Yet, it was nothing compared to when he had heard the moans coming behind the thin door that night.

Before that night, he had still held on to the text that Blaine sent him during his first week at Dalton. "Courage" was all it took for Kurt to ask Sebastian a question that he wished he could take back. He had read the text a million times over, but he could still hear Blaine's soft voice running through his head every single time. "Courage is all you need." And so he tried.

He knew Blaine had been very close with Sebastian lately, so he went up to him and asked if he knew where Blaine was. But then instead of giving an answer, Sebastian told him that he could just come over tonight to his dorm room since he had invited Blaine to have a little guy talk as well. He said it would probably be the best opportunity if Kurt wanted to talk to Blaine alone. Sebastian gave him the time and his room number, and Kurt thanked him. Exactly eight at night, like Sebastian had told him, he walked up to his dorm room and went over what he was going to tell Blaine in his head.

During his week off, he had been thinking about death a lot. He thought about how dying would feel like and how scary it would be. He had also been worry about his dad, that if he were going to die, what would his dad do? Would he even survive, knowing his wife was long gone and now his only son was going to die soon? Then he thought about Blaine, the man he loved so much that he had to lie to. Wouldn't it be the best for them to maintain this way, as long as they were broken up; as long as he stayed out of Blaine's life, Blaine wouldn't get hurt, right? He asked himself the same question everyday but couldn't get a certain answer that made him feel like he was doing the right thing. So by the time he walked down to the garage to see if his dad could give him an answer, he instantly knew what the response would be.

"You have to tell him, kiddo." Burt stopped from what he was doing and told his son very seriously, "You can avoid him now, but you cannot avoid him for life. Whether you want it or not, he is going to find out in the end. And you don't want to wait until then."

Kurt sighed. He tried not to look at his dad because that would make him feel like he was going to commit to something very, very important. He said, "I know... but I feel so... selfish" he shook his head, "if I were to tell him."

"It's selfish if you don't tell him."

"Dad, you don't understand!" Kurt argued. What would that do Blaine any good really? And why would there be a difference anyway? They broke up already, and that was it. Kurt crossed his arms as he thought.

Burt put down the cloth. Of course he understood, "Kurt, you love him and I bet Blaine loves you as much as you do." He said, cleaning the car screen, "That's why you need to tell him." He stopped again, "This is not something you can decide for him. Your job is to tell him what is happening, and Blaine gets to choose whether he still wants to be with you or not. It's like – "Burt had to stop to think an example but he quickly came up with one, "It's like putting your feet in others' shoes! If, for example, if I were diagnosed with terminal cancer and I never told you until the day I died, how would that make you feel?"

"Dad, you don't have terminal cancer, do you?" asked Kurt nervously.

"No, it's just an example, but you know what I mean."

Kurt bit his lips. His dad was right and it would be selfish for him to keep that from Blaine, knowing they were still in love with each other, but... "But what if he doesn't want me anymore?"

"Then you will always have me." Burt looked at Kurt truthfully.

Kurt gave him a weak smile, "Thanks dad."

"Come on, give me a hug won't you kiddo?" Burt smiled back to his son.

In just a second, Burt saw the smile got wiped off from his son's face. "No, no, you got motor oil all over your clothes." Kurt rejected the offer with his honesty as he walked back into the house, leaving his dad and the broken car in the garage.

So on that night when he was finally going to tell Blaine about his heart condition, he was nervous as hell but he could feel the support from his dad on his back, until he heard a weird noise coming out from inside the room that made him realized it was not "a little guy talk" as Sebastian had described, it was a trap that Sebastian set for him to slip into.

That voice was so familiar, like Kurt had known it for life, but at the same time he felt like it was a stranger he had never met. That moan, that groan and that... that sound of bodies slamming into each other... Kurt Hummel had to run away.

Things were never liked this before, not even with Dave Karofsky back in McKinley. He just couldn't believe his biggest fear would come true this fast. When he thought it was all his delusion, the dots joined together.

The Neanderthal wasn't alone.

They knew each other.

Sebastian Symthe knew Dave Karofsky.

They planned this.

This was why Karofsky had been phone harassing him for the past weeks, threatening Kurt that Kurt would lose everyone he loved.

Kurt stared at his phone screen for hours after he finally understood all those texts from Karofsky. They weren't just a threat; they were a plan, they were an action.

And to make things even worse, Sebastian himself came to verify the dreadful truth.

"Look, I've been kind enough to warn you." The man smirked. He moved a big step closer to the paler boy at the empty hallway, so close that he could almost suffocate the boy. Kurt, on the other hand, tried to catch his breath poorly. He wanted to move backward, but he figured out he was at a dead end when his body was up against the cold concrete wall. Still wearing his purposed smile, Sebastian put his mouth to the boy's ear, "By the way? Your boyfriend tastes delicious." He slowly moved back and admired the fear that he had created inside that boy's mind. He waited for a moment to walk away, "I will see you in Lima, Hummel." waving his hand as he went.

Kurt wanted to die just for this moment.

He closed his eyes and tried to inhale. The only reason he was still alive, acting like he is totally fine with the life he owned was definitely because of his dad, and of course, his dreams too. He would have a normal high school life, hang around with his friends in the Glee club and go to New York to pursue his Broadway dream once school was finished. Yet, dreams were just dreams; Kurt had given those unreachable topics up, long ago, with the faith that he was going to die in anytime. But this, Kurt Hummel never thought he had to experience this. Perhaps if he hadn't come to Dalton, or maybe if he hadn't meet Blaine in the first place, he would have been in a better place. But now everything was just screwed up. For him, and even worse, for Blaine.

Carrying all the guilt, believing it was entirely his fault that his love one was in pain, Kurt adjusted his shirt and blazer in case they were messy, so no one would find out what happened just then. He needed to keep them all in his secret chamber.

He could feel his heart was against him the moment he tried to walk.

Kurt just wanted to make it back to his room so badly, but he was paralyzed. He felt his heart rate was rising fast. At first it was the pressure in his head, all the blood in his body rushed to his brain all at once. But then slowly he felt dizzy, like he could no longer sense anything in the thin air. Kurt used up all his strength that he could to hold tight on the door handles, but with dozens of black and green dots coming up blocking his vision, he knew this wasn't going good at all. This heart-robbing feeling was so familiar that Kurt wasn't scared of it anymore. His hearing, like he had expected, was slowly fading away too. But far down the hall on the opposite side, he could hear his name being called. That voice, so familiar, so beautiful, soft and touching, vanished in his mind piece-by-piece, word-by-word.

Then everything went black like it always did.

* * *

Since he and Nick walked back to the dorm room and found out Kurt wasn't there, they had been looking for him all over the place. Fifteen minutes of search, they still hadn't got a clue. If Blaine was going to lose Kurt again, he would never ever forgive himself. They just had a bad fight, and his mind kept asking what if Kurt's heart couldn't take it all. What if that really was the case? How could he ever forgive himself for that? The last time when Kurt was looking cheerful with him was Sunday night, the night after they left Kurt's house on the way back to school. Before the drive, in fact, every time before they went out, Burt would ask him to take a good care of Kurt. What's even funnier was that Blaine had never paid enough attention to understand what that had meant. He thought Burt was just used to worry. He promised him while their time in Dalton and now he broke the promise. If something really happened to Kurt, how was he going to tell Burt?

"Kurt is going to be alright." Nicked reassured Blaine, as they hurried down to Dr. Bailey's office.

Blaine nodded. He is only capable of nodding at this moment, when fear was taking his wildest imagination to somewhere far beyond his familiarity. But the fact was that... Nick wasn't sure either. Nick isn't sure if Kurt was going to show up safe and sound. With Kurt's heart condition, they had to consider every possibility.

"I'm such a failure." Blaine shook his head, tried not to let his tears ruled him, "I mean, I don't even know where he usually goes to, I'm just..." Blaine panicked.

"Usual spot... right! He is in the library! I meant the library is closed now but he must be around the library!" Nick remembered and yelled it out.

They ran as far as he could towards the library's direction. Blaine called Kurt's cell while they ran to the library and hopefully he would just pick up and be fine, but the dial tone went on and on. Kurt was not picking up his phone.

"Kurt! Are you there?" Blaine shouted loudly as they approached the entrance.

He looked to his left and his heart almost stopped when he saw Kurt blacked out right in front of him.

"No! Shit!" Nick's swore followed.

Blaine ran up to Kurt, who was now lying lifelessly on the floor. "Kurt! Kurt!" But Kurt was just lying there, like he was sleeping beauty.

"I'm going to get Dr. Bailey." And Nick ran back to where they came from.

"No!" Blaine cried, "You can't do this to me, Kurt!" he held Kurt tight in his arms, "Please just wake up."

His voice was shaking like a leaf, "Please."

Rachel took the last sip of her coffee as she tried to think what to say to Blaine, "But Kurt was fine, right? I remember visiting him in the hospital."

Blaine nodded, "Yeah... I guess."

"You know Blaine, I'm really, really thankful that you're starting to tell us your feelings." Rachel held his hand.

"Us?"

"Oh... about this... Well, I came up with this plan," she explained.

"I'm listening." Blaine implied.

"To help you."

"Help me with what? Listen to my eleven years old story?" Blaine was confused and annoyed by the fact that he had to rely on other people's help to get over his issues.

"He said he was coming at three!" Rachel checked her watch like she didn't hear Blaine spoke at all.

"What?" Blaine frowned. This was getting too confusing, "Who?"

"Fi – oh! There he is! Just like the old days." A tall figure came into the café wearing tartan shirt and faded blue jeans. He was big and abnormally tall. With his usual silly smile, he walked to their table.

"Finn!" Blaine smiled and gave Finn a hug while he was still trying figure out what was happening.

"I thought I said three, Finn." Rachel looked at him with disappointment, "Not ten past three."

"Wow, easy. I'm just ten minutes late, man." Finn put both of his hands in the air, excusing for his lateness to Miss Rachel Berry, which he had been doing that in the past for so long, maybe a little bit too long that, now, he didn't even care if Rachel was going to be such a 'controller'. "Hey mate, how are you doing by the way?"

They sat down, but Blaine was still puzzled. "Okay Rachel, what exactly is happening?"

"First of all, your ten minutes lateness could be my ten minutes of missing audition opportunity for Broadway show. Anyway, my flight back to New York is tonight, and I haven't even packed yet. My boyfriend is waiting for me in my apartment already, probably preparing a romantic dinner with candles and roses, and maybe even a dance afterwards." The guys looked at each other amused; "Anyway," Rachel gave them a cough, "so that means I can't be there for you when you need someone. And this is why Finn is here." Rachel explained.

"Wait. We're talking about Finn here. Did I miss something?" Blaine looked to Rachel.

"What's wrong with me?" Finn looked to Rachel and Blaine and asked.

Rachel gave him an annoyed smile, "You guys will do fine – Oh my god!"

"What?" Blaine asked.

"It's already three fifteen!" Rachel said like the world was going to end, "I will have to go and pack! See you in New York, Blaine. And it's very nice to see you again, Finn. Bye!" she hurried down the exit and hopped on a taxi.

"Still the same old Rachel, huh?" Finn joked.

Blaine looked out to the window and saw Rachel got on the taxi, "Yep." Blaine laughed, "So she made these all by herself and called you?"

Finn laughed as well, "You know her well."

"Thirteen years of friendship, it's not that difficult." Blaine chuckled and played with the coffee cup.

He watched Finn tore open one sugar pack, poured them into his coffee cup, "Finn, that's not coffee."

"I know. It's hot chocolate." He said and took a sip, "Ugh, too sweet."

Blaine smiled and shook his head unbelievably, "I'm really concerned about your blood sugar level."

"Look at you, a doctor now." Finn teased.

"And you're still the same old you." Blaine teased back. "So, what is the plan exactly?"

"The plan is to get you... I hate saying this, but it's not what it sounds like." Finn explained nervously, fearing Blaine would react emotionally.

"I know, I know. I need to let it all go." Blaine looked away. Eleven years, he wasn't too willing to accept the fact that it had been this long since Kurt was gone. He let out a sigh and looked serious, but disturbed.

"Yeah... right." Finn was scared that if he talked more, it would make things worse, "but guess who's coming with us."

"Wait... there are other people as well?"

Finn took his bag from the floor and pulled out a piece of paper with printed grids on it, "Please don't tell me that it's some sort of timetable." Blaine hoped.

"Wow." Finn looked to the paper then back to Blaine, "You're good at this." Said, amazed.

"Well, it's Rachel that we're talking about here. How unpredictable can she be?" Blaine supposed.

Finn answered, "And how predictable can she be?"

Blaine waited while Finn was looking at Rachel's greatest plan. He might not like what was going to happen, but he's sure that he definitely missed all those people he was going to see.

"Okay, so there is Nick, Santana and Brittany, Mr. Shue," as Finn emphasized, "and Burt. Oh, and obviously I'm taking you to Dalton tomorrow."

"What?" Blaine laughed, "You're taking me to Dalton? Or you mean I'm taking you to Dalton?"

"Err... either way; Nick would be there, apparently." Finn shrugged.

Blaine nodded. He thought about the last time when he saw Nick. It was so long ago. After they found a fainted Kurt that night, Nick was always there for Blaine regardless of the situations, but Blaine never let Nick in.

He stopped before he starts to think too much. "Well then, you're driving."

"But that's a two-hour drive." Finn whined.

"Exactly," Blaine laughed at Finn's reaction, "You ready to help me then, huh?"

"I think so." Finn replied, "Oh!"

"What?" Blaine was amused.

"Rachel told me to tell you that your flight is changed to next week."

"What?" Blaine almost shouted in the café.

"Um... Rachel said she called the hospital for you and changed your flight ticket." Finn simply quoted.

"No she didn't, Rachel Berry!" Blaine shook his head like he wouldn't believe it. He was going to do this, wasn't he? After all these years, he was finally going to do what he should have done long ago.

Blaine tried to sound optimistic. "Let's get the plan started then."

* * *

The next day they hopped on Finn's car and began Rachel's greatest plan.

On their way to Westfield it was drizzling, small raindrops falling onto the car windows and Blaine, who was staring at the moving windscreen wipers, hadn't quite spoken a word yet.

Finn sometimes looked at Blaine and tried to find a conversation, but every time he looked back on the road, he felt like he had lost the opportunity.

Blaine Anderson was just staring, like he was preparing for something awful. Maybe it was because he didn't get a good sleep as a few drunken teenagers were shouting around the motel last night, but he had been losing sleep for the last couple nights. Plus, he hadn't felt this unsure before. He could feel the unfamiliar rhythm of heartbeats inside his chest, pumping this strange feeling into his head.

But then it felt like déjà vu.

He remembered it was raining too, perhaps it was a little heavier, but he clearly remembered when he looked up to the sky, it was grey and cloudy and the raindrops blurred his eyes.

He sat next to Kurt for two hours after Kurt was rushed to the emergency room. Those two hours he had spent, thinking of ways to explain to Kurt's dad. He was found guilty for what he had done. There was no excuse that Blaine could think of and he would be shamefaced if he tried to find an excuse. That night, after his stay over at Hummel's, Burt asked him to look after Kurt before they returned back to school. It kept ringing in his head over and over again. Blaine never thought he would break that promise. At that moment, he wished Kurt could tell him what he should do.

He held Kurt's cold hand and squeezed it, "You know. It should be me who is lying on the bed right now." He confessed.

There he was, wishing he could cry over it, but he ran out of tears. And then he realized this was how it felt like to watch the person you love in pain. He looked over to the window, and he was lost again.

"Blaine?"

"Huh?" Blaine quickly looked to Finn, who looked concerned.

"Okay, dude, you're scaring me." Finn said.

Blaine stared at Finn for a moment, and then he looked down and realized how hard he was grasping his phone. "Was I talking?"

"Yeah... you said that it should be you who was lying on the bed. And you were acting like there was someone else in the car."

Blaine looked dazed, all of the sudden, he understood why Rachel had come up with this plan, and why Rachel looked uncomfortable after every time they talk.

"Finn," Blaine started.

"Yeah?"

"I think I never actually told Rachel what happened between Kurt and me." He looked horrifically to Finn. "I think I acted them all out."


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Chapter Sixteen**

"Oh come on Rachel! Pick up the phone."

The worst feeling was the feeling when you found out you had no control at all at what you were doing, and that really freaked Blaine out. He had no idea what happened other times while he was with Rachel but he was sure it had happened before and Rachel must know.

How could she not know? She must know.

But how could he not know the whole time?

Blaine was praying that Rachel would pick up the call and give him the answer. He walked back and forth that Finn could only stand next to the car and watched Blaine freaked out bits by bits.

_"Hello?"_ A female voice popped up on the other side of the phone.

"Rachel! Oh god, thank you! You have finally picked up the phone!" Finn watched Blaine put his hand in the air.

_"What's going on?" _She asked.

"Okay, tell me the truth, be honest and don't lie. Promise me." Blaine said.

_"Okay?"_

Blaine breathed, "Did I or did I not acting like I was in the scenes when I told you what happened all the other nights?" He asked rather calmly. He was trying to cool it down but having butterflies at his stomach since he knew it was going to be a yes, and because everything now was pointing to the truth that he was unconsciously acting all the memories just made his head spun. He held on to his next breath.

_"Blaine..."_

It was the sound of hesitation that he heard. He had to hold on to something to confirm the unexpected behavior that he had been acting, so he walked up to the car and held on to it.

_"Just give it to Finn, would you, please?"_ Rachel asked.

Blaine sighed and looked up to the sky, a few raindrops had fallen onto his nose. He was going to hand his phone to Finn, but there was a moment he told himself to be strong. He was not going to let himself to walk away from the wound anymore; he had to at least do something.

These few days with Rachel made one understand one thing: even though he might not be ready to admit what he became now, but he was determined to make a change. It had been eleven years that he carried the guilt on the road and those eleven years he was a man in pain. He knew that he needed to let Kurt go, and set himself for free. Everytime he stayed weak, every second in his life was wasted. If he were going to make a change, it would be now.

So he held on to the phone instead and said in belief, "Rachel, just tell me, I can handle it."

On the other side, Rachel was hesitated to make the decision but then it seemed she had thought it through.

_"Alright." _She said.

_"It wasn't always like that."_ Rachel started, _"But there were times where you just... seemed to be coming from another place, like you were in the past."_

Blaine shut his eyes closed and rubbed his head, "I scared you, didn't I?"

_"The first time, yeah. But then I asked my boyfriend, you know, he is a psychologist and he came up with this idea. He said it would probably help."_

He bit his lips and nodded, his eyes were not focusing at a particular spot but he was prepared to the change.

_"Just give this a try."_

"I believe in him." Blaine replied.

_"That's great. I'm really glad that you're trying this hard, Blaine, I am, really. I'm so proud of you."_

It was always great to know that you were doing something right.

Blaine remembered being the insecure intern on his first day at the hospital. Many years of practice at medical school suddenly came to no use at all, and those simple procedure like giving patient the IV, doing a simple check on them in the morning and filling out paper works just seemed so difficult. But after a period when you finally heard the first comforting word from your resident, you knew you had done something right. And that was how Blaine felt now.

He ended the call after Rachel said she needed to go while Finn was buying food at the gas station express store. He put his cell phone into his pocket and walked back to the car.

This feeling was fresh and new, it was almost liked somebody helped him took away a heavy stone from his shoulder. Every step he took now felt easier than before. As he waited in the car for Finn to come back, he recalled the first word that Kurt said to him when he woke up on the hospital bed. It broke his heart to see Kurt so weak but only he thought about it then he realized how much braver Kurt was to him.

Finn came back with a bag of food and handed a hotdog to Blaine. While eating their early lunch, Blaine felt much more comfortable with Finn asking him a dozen of questions. It was just past noon when they got back on the road to Dalton.

The rain had stopped so he opened up the window.

_"I will eventually get there."_ He told himself.

* * *

It was almost May when Kurt had come back to school after his recovery. Blaine was standing next to his locker chatting with Nick when he got a text from Kurt saying he had just arrived. Everything felt like a new chapter and Blaine swore to god he would not ruin this once again.

Sebastian was sent to a school in England companied by his parents after Burt realized what had happened that day at the library. Dalton had decided to suspend him but probably feeling ashamed of the damage their son had done, his parents decided to leave the town for good.

There was a light breeze when the first class was finally dismissed and he remembered how it had blown Kurt's hair like it did beautifully to the waves in the sea. Kurt smiled to him and they walked down the hallway hand with hand.

The following weeks they were spending a lot of time to help Kurt with the study, but being away for so long, Kurt felt his brain had decided to protest against all the new information that had just flushed into his mind. At the end Kurt and his father discussed and he would repeat the year.

But repeating the year means paying an extra year of tuition at Dalton, with so limited financial support, Kurt cried himself to sleep and Blaine could only hold him in arms till the light broke the dawn.

"I know you will come to see me." Kurt smiled faintly.

Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand pull it slightly toward him, "I will, and I will miss you all the time."

They were then, again, apart from each other.

Sometimes Blaine would drive to Lima to meet up with Kurt, but for most of the time he was drown in his schoolwork. The intensity of their study was something Kurt felt lucky to get out of. With his very short experience in Dalton he had already tasted the bitterness of the hard work.

But how could a junior life be completed without doing some silly things before the senior life had started? Thad held a party at his house while his parents were overseas, people were drunk dancing all over the floor. Blaine did not touch the alcohol even once through out the night, but he filmed a few short videos of Nick and Thad crazy dancing together and sent them to Kurt who wasn't at the party that night. Kurt's reply was short but it made Blaine grinned at his phone.

A few hours later the house was dead silent, Blaine walked out to the backyard and sat on the chair.

He looked over to the moon and decided that he could not do this, if a few months without seeing Kurt made him wanted to jump over to Lima, how could he bear with a year, and what would happen after senior year?

"Don't be silly. You could get into a lot of troubles." Said Kurt over the phone.

"But this is killing me, everyday, Kurt. How am I supposed to get through the year?" Blaine sighed.

Another ordinary school day for Dalton students, Blaine called Kurt and told him the idea of transferring. He knew Kurt wouldn't agree but he also knew he was going to do it anyway.

With so little time just after the exam Blaine had convinced Cooper to help, talked down his mother about the idea. He looked for jobs in Lima, a place where he and Cooper could sleep, and most importantly, got accepted into McKinley High.

"Do you know what you're doing?" Cooper asked when they were on their way to Lima.

"Yeah. If the only thing I've learned from what happened this year, it would be never let any chances to walk away."

Cooper didn't say anything after that.

Blaine was looking at the view during the drive and guessing Kurt would probably be mad with the decision. But he wasn't being reckless, he had a plan, and this plan needed to be done in order for his heart to settle down.

"Dad was furious at breakfast." Cooper calmly stated.

Suddenly, the worrying was drifted into something more irritated and bitter when his brother mentioned about their dad. It was a frustration of not being accepted in the family, anger from the prejudice that was coming from his father. Anything that had to do with him, Blaine ground his teeth with it.

"I don't expect him to agree with anything I say."

"But you know he is still your father and sooner or later you will have to deal with him anyway."

Then there was the same silence again.

_He is still your father_, like defeated, Blaine didn't want to stay on this topic anymore. He chose the silent and Cooper left him to it.

* * *

Monday morning, school full of sleep walking students but at the front door there was Kurt Hummel standing. He was ready for the start and he was ready to return to the place where he really belonged.

For a second he was hesitated as he thought of Dave Karofsky.

He was probably somewhere alive around the school but then Kurt thought on the bright side, the Glee club. Despite the fact that he was banned from singing until he would get completely recovered, he was excited to be with the family again. The feeling of missing them was the worst feeling ever he could have imagined.

So crowded with those strange but again so familiar faces, Kurt walked down the hallway as he counted the steps.

_Thirty-four..._

_Thirty-five..._

_Thirty-six..._

_And there..._

Kurt stopped at the spot.

"Kurt!" A girl screamed, "You're back!"

"Yes, yes, I'm back." He laughed as he was welcomed by Mercedes's big hug.

He inhaled and smelled the warmth of home. Kurt looked at Mercedes with his smile on his face, he was truly happy.

"I'm so glad you're here, but why didn't you tell us first?" She asked.

Kurt shrugged, "I guess I want to give you all a surprise."

And then out of nowhere, another familiar voice came out, "Welcome back Hummel boy, enjoy it while you can."

"Can't you just say something nice?" Mercedes asked the girl in cheerio uniform, but Kurt knew that smile on Santana and he knew she was happy to see him. She would never admit that, though.

The three of them walked to the choir room with Mercedes filling Kurt all the recent news and rumours and Santana pulling all her possible mean jokes, as cheesy as it might sound, Kurt actually felt he was surrounded by happiness.

"Surprise!" The whole Glee club shouted.

Kurt was stunned. He expected no one to know that he was coming back and he definitely did not expect to see that man in the beam of joy. He gasped as he realized one thing.

"I can't stand being without you."

Kurt watched as Blaine walked closer and closer to him, felt the tightness and the warmth in the pair of strong arms. He closed his eyes.

In the middle of the cheering crowd, there was a still moment where everything seemed so quiet and peacefully fine. Like the sun in late August, he embraced the burn from every inch where his skin was touched with Blaine's.

Forgot about the rest of the world, Kurt hugged back firmly to the man he had never fallen so deep for before. If this were the award from god for him after all the pain he went through, he would be willingly happy to go through it again just for Blaine.


End file.
